Recap

It's been a long, long time... So, here is a quick recap.

Back in February, we got the dreaded phone call from my MIL. Pappy had taken a turn for the worse that morning and around 5pm, she called and said we need to get down there and do it quickly. My husband left school and as a somber family, we made our way to the hospital in Cartersville. I have never lost anyone close to me and the whole way there, I was so nervous. We cried, we talked, we prayed. We didn't know exactly what to expect. From what we understood, Pappy was on a ventilator and once the family had all arrived, they would be placing a patch on him, the patch would help the Morphine do it's job, and after about 30 minutes, they could remove the ventilator. Pretty much, it was time. They had warned the family it might be hard to watch once the ventilator was removed. I was scared. We had both boys with us. We were the last of the family to arrive and we came onto a scene I'll never forget. It was an ICU room FILLED with family and a few close friends. Pappy was laying in the bed with a ventilator helping him breathe. When we got there, my MIL told him we had arrived. The doctor came in a put on the patch. A family friend and Pastor prayed that the Lord would take Pappy peacefully and help his exit into Jesus' arms be comfortable and also be pain and suffering free. We were all sobbing through that prayer. As he prayed, you could hear the monitors and know that Pappy was leaving earth. After the prayer, some of his children told him it was "ok" to go. After that, it wasn't long. Both boys were eerily quiet. It's as if they knew. We were privileged to be standing next to Pappy, holding him, as he passed from this pain filled earth into the presence of our Lord and Savior. It was the most peaceful thing I have ever witnessed. No pain. No suffering. Only peace. We had been there maybe 10 minutes when he passed. We had been told it would be at least 30 minutes. Later that evening my MIL told my husband that Pappy was waiting on us to get there. We were the last ones to get there. He loved my husband and my children so much. I can't imagine the pain Brent would have felt if he hadn't made it in time. Brent says Pappy had to do one last thing for him. Knowing he waited on him, brings him such peace and happiness. It was a very sad night with many sad days to follow. We rejoice in knowing that Pappy is in Heaven-- walking, breathing, talking, laughing, hanging out with his first wife, Mammaw, and watching my babies continue to grow. I know he and Mammaw watch because on really pretty days, Dane sees them. Talk about making me cry! Some days, he will sadly say, "Mom, I can't see Pappy and Mammaw anymore." Then out of the blue one day in an excited voice, he'll be looking up at the sky and pointing saying, "MOM!!! I see Pappy and Mammaw's shadows!! They're watching me!!"

Summer is here or though it seems! I have many ideas for what this house needs! Chickens, a garden, a pool, flowers, a bunch of yard work, and much much more. I think my hubby is going to go crazy with all my "wants" before the true season of summer is here. On the top of the list, a garden, chickens, and yard work! In fact, I'm hoping to get my coop today :-)

I'm recovering from bronchitis. What a nasty thing to have. It absolutely knocked me off my feet. Looking back, I know I was sick a few days before I admitted to being sick. I am officially all better other than a persistent little cough I have going on. I did have to miss my friend Sarah's birth on Monday though. It was my first birth to attend as a doula and I knew I was still contagious and hacking! My job as a doula has me face to face with the laboring mom. I could not risk her or baby girl getting sick. So, unfortunately, I had to miss it :'(

Life here is going great! My boys are growing and absolutely captivating me each and everyday. I had read this thing before I got sick about a mom who wished her babies childhood away due to stress, irritation, and overwhelming exhaustion. She was always thinking things like, "I cannot wait till you sleep through the night", "I cannot wait until you can dress yourself", "I cannot wait until you kids can entertain yourself", "Man! I wish he would go to sleep without asking me to lay down with him. There is so much I could be getting done around the house", "How I long for the days when the kids will actually eat what I fix!" and more. Her babies were all grown up and she was looking through pictures with sadness saying how she begged for those days to fly by and now she would do anything to go back to those days and cherish each and every moment. I think I had become that mom. Always in a hurry, irritated, impatient, annoyed, etc. It makes me sick and embarrassed to think about it now. I have made up my mind, NO MORE!!! My babies are only little once. I am enjoying every single second I get with them. As a mom, I sometimes have a thought (a morbid thought that is) and think, "what if my child dies before me??? I don't want to wish I had done this or that. I don't want to wish I had put my phone down and splashed in puddles with them. I don't want to wish I had laid down at night, snuggled as close as I could get while the laundry waited on me. I want to know I enjoyed every second with them". So, those 2 things are pushing me lately to be the BEST mom I know how to be. I'm focusing big time on patience (also because I know they learn patience by watching it being practiced) and one-on-one time. We spend lots of time playing, laughing, and I let them help me do things. I'm actually finding that by doing this, I am less stressed and much more happy! These boys are my LIFE. I love them more than should be allowed. I am so, unbelievably grateful to God, for blessing my life with them and giving me the opportunity to be a mom. I do not want upset the Lord in the responsibility he gave me. I want to make Him proud.

Here's to a fun-filled, patient, loving, laughing, and playing day!!!

Hope you make the best of today as well!