Our New Normal

Good Evening!

It feels so nice to be sitting at my computer desk and on MY computer. We have lived in the house for about a month now (I think. I seriously have no idea when we moved in!) and internet JUST started working tonight. URG. It has been a constant battle with AT&T. Hopefully, from this point forward, we will have no complaints!

My boys are tucked into bed and sleeping. I am LOVING this new schedule I have them on. I officially have them on a wonderful schedule!!!!!! I start the dinner thing around 4pm, prepping it, getting dishes ready, table cleared off, kitchen ready for the cooking, etc. and dinner is generally served between 5:00-5:30pm. After dinner, we clean up and the boy take their own plates to the garbage can, dump their food and put their plates and silverware in the dishwasher. Then, I scoot them out of the kitchen while I finish cleaning up/packing Brent his lunchbox if he is home and getting ready to leave. We start bath rituals around 6:15-6:20pm. Once out of the shower, we get ready for bed and read some of a chapter book. We actually just finished Little House in the Big Woods tonight and Dane is itching to get Farmer Boy-- the next book in the series.

The book took us a few months to finish and it is amazing at the transformation during that time of Dane and Webb's listening skills. When we started it, I just knew I was ready to get them to sit still and listen, without tons of pictures, and for them to make pictures in their minds. Dane COULD NOT handle that (or Webb, but I never expected that). He jumped and horsed around while I read out loud to myself. I stuck with it telling myself this was the best way for him to adapt and it really was. Before long, he was so interested in Pa and when he would hunt again and how he hunted, what he hunted, etc. The sisters and when they would go to town. How Ma would get water and how did she ever get her cow? He would sit with a distant look in his eyes and question everything. I tried to be patient between mere words as I answered a million questions (that I DID NOT know the answers to) because I realized I had accomplished what I set out to do!

After book, it is generally 7:00pm-7:15pm. Sometimes, they grab a quick snack (almonds, pecans, pretzels in mustard, banana, apple, etc) and then we  brush teeth and hit the sack. We are generally in the bed by 7:30pm. Although Webb never lasts all night, I start him off in bed with Dane. I nurse him until he falls asleep and Dane is generally always asleep by then, If he is not, I lay there until he is asleep. For the most part, they are both sleeping by 8pm.

Our schedules were so out of whack when we moved in and I was literally adjusting to being a single mom. I went from a husband who was unemployed and for the most part, home more often than not, to a husband who is gone 2-4 days straight. I will not act like I handled it well. I did not. I was a crying mess-- emotional, angry, lonely, sad... and the worst thing was, I took it out on my husband and kids. Every time Brent got called in or text to say he wouldn't be coming home, I would burst into tears. I think the worst thing was, it was hard on the kids too. We all missed Daddy. They were extra fussy and here I was, playing single momma and trying to get the house in order and everything perfect for Christmas.I was so stressed!!! During all of this, the kids went to bed late, got up early or late, I never knew and I NEVER had peace and quiet or time to myself. I knew something had to give in order for me to make it. That is when I got on a strict schedule. I really and truly knew Brent was doing what he felt was best and he was providing for his family-- something he really struggled with during unemployment. He was busting his butt to provide for us and here I was putting him through a guilt trip for it and taking everything out on the kids. I had a melt down with Brent and was sobbing when I told him I sucked at being a wife and mom and maybe I wasn't cut out for this single momma stuff. He was patient and kind and told me I didn't suck and it would just take time.He told me to start praying for a full-time position so we could see him more. On any given week, Brent will work 100+ hours. The week of Christmas, he worked 144 hours. If he was full time, he would work 24 on, 48 off. It would be a pay cut, but we would have daddy home and that is most important. When he originally got hired, he was told it would/could take up to a year to get full-time. Things have happened though and there is a full time position open in January.He is obviously low man on the totem pole with others who are part-time and been there longer who want it. We are praying he might get that position though and trusting that if it is God's plan, he'll be starting full time in a few days. On top of all of that, he starts back to school in Jan for his paramedic. I am so proud of him. He never settles for anything but the best. As I started praying for a full time position for Brent, God put it on my heart to start praying about my attitude. I prayed and literally, in about 2 weeks time of us moving in/him working all these CRAZY amounts of hours, God has changed my heart. I really think we all had to adjust. Me, the boys, and even Brent. Now, I don't expect him home. It comes with the territory and he is doing what he has to. He has a better chance of getting a full time position if he never turns down a shift. He is working his tail off in hopes of getting full time much quicker than expected. I have completely adjusted to being mommy and daddy and although the days and nights are tough and I would love to have him here, it just makes when he is home that much sweeter.

Now we get up by 7am to get ready for the gym and we have a nice routine going on.

How was everyone's Christmas? Ours was PERFECT!!! The best yet. Brent only had Christmas Eve off and he came home that morning at 7am. Santa had to come a day early to accommodate, but it was awesome. The boys are both at such fun ages. They were so excited about all of their gifts. It was also awesome to celebrate Christmas with my brother and sister-in-law from Texas. I haven't celebrated with my brother in at least 10 years and never with my nieces and nephew. It was sooooooo great to be all together.

I must give a huge shout out to the grandparents this year! Last year, every single big gift that toys stores were selling, my children got. I mean, seriously. It was unbelievable. This year, they held back and got less toys and more clothes (Really, mommy gifts there) and it was so much less stressful. Too much stuff is just overwhelming. They are perfectly content with 3 or 4 toys each. We are blessed with family who loves us and spoils us though, so I hope this doesn't come across as a complaint. LOL.

We are anticipating 2013 with excitement. I am so happy and content with where God has led us. I NEVER dreamed we would end 2012 where we are when we started the year. God is faithful and His ways are not ours. I am so thankful for each thing that 2012 brought us--- the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was a year of trials, hurts, tests, amazement, scares, laughter, tears, heartbreaks, happiness, and JOY-- always JOY. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. I learned more than I ever thought possible for a years time. God chiseled at me and changed me. 2013--- I am ready to rock this and see what awaits us. I know it will all be good-- my life is in my Father's Hands!

Until next time...