I don't talk about it near enough and so many people don't even realize that Brent and I have a story. A very intriguing, God-written, amazing love story, but we do.
I guess I'll start at the beginning.
To be honest, I have no idea if this has been recorded in this blog or not. So if it has, I'm sorry.
Summer 2007
I worked with Brent's sister at a Chiropractor office while I was in college at Kennesaw. She and I grew to be close friends and one day, she mentioned trying to set me up with her brother. I checked out his blurry Myspace photo and got a few details on this mystery man.
There was a 4th of July Pig Roast coming up and I agreed to go on a blind date to meet Brent.
We met and he didn't speak but about 2 words to me the entire evening.
I liked him.
I don't know why. He sure didn't give me many reasons that day, but there was something about him.
Apparently, he liked me too because he called me out of the blue that next week. Something completely out of character for such and introverted young man.
Let me stop right here and give you some background on the two of us individually.
We were not living for the Lord. We were both far outside of His will living to please ourselves.
Brent was involved with alcohol, cigarettes, and other personal things that were not of the Lord.
I drank from time to time. Nothing too serious because I didn't like drinking. I only did it because my friends were and I wanted to fit in. My problem was boys. I liked boys. I let go of values I had been taught and values that were important to me growing up because I liked boys and I wanted them to like me. I would not call myself a whore (I mean, who would do such a thing???!! LOL), but I definitely have a past with boys I am not proud of.
So, Brent and I started our relationship over the phone. We hit it off which is so ironic because we are entirely different from one another.
If I'm honest with myself and you, I'd say we started sleeping together from the start. Which is pretty easy to figure out if you do the math.
I met him at a 4th of July party.
My last period was on August 24 and I found I was pregnant on September 26, 2007.
I only took a test that morning because I was miserable and I wanted to break up with Brent. I did not think I was pregnant, but I wanted to be certain.
Imagine my surprise when 2 pink lines show up and I realize I am pregnant with a stranger's baby. A stranger I didn't like.
Fear. Despair. Humiliation. Anxiety. Heartbreak. Confusion. Terror.
The list of the emotions I felt could go on and on.
I was afraid Brent would suggest abortion, but he didn't. He said we would do what we had to do.
Clearly, I had no idea what that would be.
I was in college aiming to get a degree in Nutrition or Exercise Science. I knew that would not happen. I lived an hour away from my family in an apartment with a college roommate.
I agreed to move in with Brent even though I didn't want to because I felt as though I couldn't move an hour away from Brent. I didn't feel like I had any other options.
It's funny. Even though I was soooo far away from the Lord and not living for him at all, I felt guilty moving in with Brent. I was embarrassed to tell people I lived with my boyfriend.
There are so many deep and personal things that happened during my pregnancy and the course of us living together.
None are good.
We were two people who literally hated one another and were not living for the Lord.
It was a miserable, horrible time.
During the pregnancy, I started visiting some churches in town (alone, Brent wanted no part of it.) because I knew somethings had to change when I was a mom. I had to go back to my roots. I didn't really start changing though.
The day I gave birth to Dane, I took one look at him and knew he deserved so much better than me. I didn't understand why God would give me something so perfect and precious. What had I done to deserve him? Now he would be raised by 2 selfish, hateful parents who didn't even love each other. It was hard to take in.
Those first few days, I held Dane so tightly and so selfishly. I didn't want many others holding him. It was my way of protecting him. Of trying to express my love and sorrow to him. My deepest apologies for what I had brought him into. He didn't deserve it and yet, he was a part of it and it was my fault.
When Dane was 3 weeks old we hit rock bottom. The hatred and anger in the house was just too much. I packed up my stuff one day while Brent was at work and I took me and Dane and went to Ringgold. When I talked to Brent later, I told him that Dane and I would not be returning.
It was hard to stick to my decision. Even though we clearly weren't meant to be together, I was making the decision to raise my son in a split family. Something I never had to experience personally and something I swore my kids would never have to experience.
The guilt was overwhelming at times. The sorrow. The anger. The pain.
What had my decision led my precious son to? A life I would never wish for him. I vowed to be the best mom in the world. To somehow, make it up to him.
Throughout my pregnancy, I had visited a church in Chickamauga. When I moved home, I went there on a regular basis and God started working on me.
He started changing me. I had turned from the Lord, but He had always been there for me. Waiting patiently for me to return. The further I had gotten, the quieter His voice had become, but He was still there, beckoning me back.
Forgiving me.
Accepting me.
Loving me.
Promising to never leave me or forsake me.
Sticking closer than a brother on lonely days.
I began to become the mom that Dane deserves. My standards changed. My desires changed. My motives changed. My heart changed. My life changed.
Brent and I had attempted to make it work through the months of June (when I moved home) through November-ish, but it was obvious to us that it would never work out. We were just too different. More different now than before since I was living for the Lord. So much about me had changed. The Lord had worked miracles in my life and made me who I was meant to be. There are some very personal details woven into our story that I'm not sure Brent would be comfortable with me sharing to the entire World Wide Web.
Brent was not living for the Lord. He also wasn't being a daddy to Dane. I guess it was that whole "out of sight out of mind" thing and the fact that he had never really had the chance to bond with Dane.
Due to some deeply personal things that happened during this time, I got a restraining order on Brent.
In all honestly, the way my mind worked when I got this was:
I wanted Brent to make a decision.
I either wanted him to sign away his rights so that Dane would never ever experience hurt (emotional-- from the lack of connection, love, and relationship that was there at this point.) from him...
OR
I wanted Brent to fight with all his being and decide that, "no way was I going to restrain him from his son."
I honestly cannot say what I wanted more at this time. I just wanted something definite. Something stable. I either wanted Dane to have his daddy or not have his daddy, but I didn't want a "part-time" daddy. Someone that didn't really care.
Brent took the latter decision.
He fought for Dane and during that time, a relationship budded between them and a strong love and bond held them tight. Now that Brent had experienced it, nothing would keep him from his son.
That was what I wanted for Dane.
During Brent's visits, I noticed an outward change.
He clearly had lost about 50 pounds and looked healthier and happier.
He and I were not speaking. Yes, he would come and see Dane every Saturday, but we did not communicate. We both had lawyers and we were about to begin the custody battle.
I had noticed Brent seemed to be sweeter towards me. His eyes appeared more kind when I would see him, but I chalked it up to him trying to fool me for something court related.
During this time, Easter was approaching. Brent and his mom were taking Dane to get pictures with a live bunny in Cartersville. Dane was about 8 months old and of course, as a mom, I would have LOVED to experienced that. Out of the blue, Brent text me to see if I wanted to go. I questioned what the lawyers would say and he said it didn't matter. He figured I would want to see Dane and he wanted me to be able to. I agreed to go. That trip was a hard one. We were together as a family going on an outing that should be normal in every way, but instead, was beyond awkward. I ached for what Dane would miss out on.
A few weeks later, Dane got sick. I text Brent to let him know and he offered to take him to the doctor.
I laughed and said, "No. I will take him. You can come if you want."
CLEARLY expecting him to say, "No. Just let me know what they say."
I was shocked (and a bit angered) that he said, "I'm leaving now. Be there in an hour."
WHAT????!?!!??!!!
What kind of stunt was he pulling???
And to top it off, I would have to spend an afternoon with him. URG.
I wanted a diagnosis. I had no plans to give him meds, but I wanted to know how I could treat it.
I got fearful that Brent had agreed to come up here because he knew I wouldn't give meds and he would use this in his arguments with the courts. Declaring how I was an unfit mother or something. I was scared.
He was a huge help at the doctor and when we got the diagnosis of an ear infection, Brent immediately said, "We don't do meds, so no need to write the prescription."
My mouth wanted to hang open, instead I silently nodded my agreement to the doctor. He walked out and we discussed which chiropractor to take him to, etc.
After all of that, Brent offered to take us to lunch. I wanted to go home, but agreed.
We went to this mexican restaurant and we chatted. During our talk, Brent started crying and apologized to me for very specific instances that he had hurt me. He wasn't vague. He was detailed.
He apologized about things I had forgotten about.
I could not believe this.
Tears rolled down my face as I revisited that time and the pain involved. Tears also fell because he seemed genuine and that almost hurt more.
I accepted his apology not knowing how to take it.
On the way home, the song, When God Ran came on the radio. It had become a personal favorite of mine because of where I was. Brent started crying saying this is how he felt at this time in his life.
What?
Had God been working on him separately?
It was too good to be true so I didn't even let my mind go there.
When we got home, I was nervous to what my mom would say.
I told her everything and laughed it off. I'll never forget what she said because I expected her to warn me to be careful to not fall for anything. Instead she said, "Abby, if he wants to work on things, I think you should give him another chance."
WHAT WAS GOING ON????
Brent and I talked after that on the phone. That was a first. We chatted and enjoyed conversation. In a way, it was as though we were meeting for the first time. Just getting to know one another. We had both changed so much.
Mom suggested we watch Fireproof. Neither one of us had seen it.
He came up the next week and we watched that. He also brought with him a present for me. It was proof of some changes. Some changes that were very important to me. This was a vital step in him regaining trust from me. It showed me how much he cared about me. He humbled himself to demonstrate he cared and loved me. That was a first.
I cried.
He told me how he wasn't smoking, drinking, or any other bad things. He was going to church. God was working on him. Convicting him to piece his family back together.
The movie was like watching us on screen. I couldn't believe how God could use that to reach us even more. (Side note, at our wedding, the day we watched the movie was such a huge stepping stone in our relationship, our main song we had sung was, Love Is Not A Fight. Wow. That song gets me every time. Every. Time. Listen to it now. It is OUR story!! Love is not a fight, but it is SO worth fighting for. We also had printed on our handout thing, "Love is not about who you can live with, it's about who you can't live without.")
He asked if on Saturdays, instead of it being him and Dane, could it be the 3 of us.
I agreed.
From that point on, we dated. This was early April I'd say. He proposed the end of May and we were married in November.
We have a unique love story.
We talk about it all the time in utter amazement at how it all happened.
We both believe without a doubt, God sent us Dane to get our attention.
I don't believe sex outside of marriage is God's will. He gives us a free will. We act on that. I do believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
I believe He took our sin, our wrong doings, and because we confessed and desired to live for Him, He turned all the bad around for good. Do I think God created Brent for me? I'm not so sure. I stepped outside His will and took that out of His hands and placed it in my hands. My choices were not in line with His will. I think He took out our wrong, and turned it around for His good and our good. Whether or not He created Brent for me, He is working this out and we are happy. We love each other. We choose to love. We choose to stay together. We choose to work on this covenant we made. That is more than some folks who did it right (dated, fell in love, got married, and then had kids) have. We are blessed.
We know and believe we had many loved ones praying for us. We attribute where we are today to their prayers and their support. They prayed us back together even though they maybe didn't want that at the time. They knew it would be best case scenario.
We were both headed down the wrong paths straight toward destruction. God could have used anything to get our attention (a drug overdose, a DUI, a wreck, an STD, etc) and He used a precious, precious baby.
Dane will always be a special child. We love him so dearly.
Where are we today?
In LOVE.
And continuing to work on loving each other every single day.
Most days it's hard to believe it went down like it did.
We still struggle. We argue. We bicker. We get on each other's nerves.
But....
We stick it out. We work on it. We pray over it. We choose to stay together. To keep the covenant we made to one another and to God. We are a family. A miraculous family and we love each other. I love Brent more than I ever thought possible.
When I see Brent playing with Dane or hear Dane shriek, "DADDY!!" when he walks through the door, sometimes, my throat tightens up and tears come to my eyes. It all comes rushing back to me how this almost didn't happen. This story almost wasn't mine. It gets even sweeter when I see Webb in the picture. Hear his laughter and his screams for daddy. When I see him and Dane playing or snuggled up, I can have a church service all by myself in a moment like that.
He wouldn't even be in the picture. We would have missed out on SOOOO much. I would have missed out on this family.
Praise God we were sensitive to the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to change us individually so we could come together and be all He wanted us to be. Thank the Lord for family who loved us enough to pray us back together.
I know we had to get in His will (not living together) in order for Him to begin working on us individually We couldn't truly repent of our sin if we continued living in it.
I stand amazed at the power, forgiveness, and ability my Father has. He is a Mountain Mover (we sang about that at church today) and if He can transform this story, there is NOTHING that he cannot do.
I am grateful for our unique love story. It gives me a fresh, new, personal outlook on God and just what He can do. How can I ever doubt Him?
I love you, Brent. There is no one else I would chose to grow old with and my love for you expands each day. Our story becomes sweeter each time we recount the details. Thank you for letting me go so that I could grow and change to be all God intended for me to be. Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to change you and for obeying His voice when He said to fight for your family. You are a respectable man and I love you with all of my heart. Just like I had engraved on your wedding band, I'd do it all again. In a heartbeat.
Abby
