Homebirthin' Momma: Wait A Minute, What???!

The boys saw a dietitian a few weeks ago.

She weighted them, checked their height, checked their iron, and we discussed some of the things they eat and drink.

They were in the 50% for height (meaning they are average for kids their age) and in the 90% for their weight (meaning 10% of kids their age weigh more than them and 90 % weigh less). And yes, both of them were in the same percentiles for their age.

She took out her little chart thing and explained to me that my boys are both borderline obese.

Wait a minute, WHAT?!?!?

I looked up at her and realized that yes, she was dead serious.

I started laughing, yes, laughing and did not say a word.

She told me to not let either one of them gain more than a pound in the next month and to start managing their portions.

The entire time I am telling myself to not say what was on my mind, and yay me! I didn't!!!

But, for the sake of all things ridiculous.... MY KIDS ARE NOT BORDERLINE OBESE???!?!?!

I'll start by saying, I know I am no dietitian, BUT... BUT... I consider myself to be highly intelligent when it comes to health, nutrition, diet, exercise, PORTIONS, you name it.

It is my passion.

Some of you may know, I was working towards a degree in Nutrition/Exercise Science when I found out I was pregnant with Dane. It really is my passion.

I spend hours a week researching nutrition. My goal is to cook healthy meals and teach my family about true health. NO diets, only a lifestyle--- whole, unprocessed foods (as much as possible, yes we do eat processed foods from time to time), in their natural forms. Absolutely NO diet, low-fat, no fat, sugar free, 90 calorie, etc. junk. That is not food. That is man made garbage. And, I think I do a pretty dag-gum good job of it teaching it/practicing what I preach.

My boys drink WATER only. They both get a cup full (around 8oz) of almond milk or whole milk (we recently switched to almond milk only) in the mornings. That is it. I am picky about it. One, it is unnecessary sugars and not what their body is made up of/in need of and two, it is expensive and water is free!

I cook very healthy. I cannot think of one unhealthy meal I cook except for homemade pizza (when I don't make my healthy version, which is extremely rare) and I use Publix pizza dough. Veggies are offered at every meal and snacks at our house are: nuts, fruits, veggies, yogurts, cheese, applesauce, left over meals, etc. There is no cookies, cakes, prepackaged junk in our house other than goldfish and pretzels on a regular basis (yes we are humans, and yes, sometimes we splurge, but rarely is it at our house, if we splurge, we are out. That is the exception though and we live by the rule, not the exception.). I am not as anal about it as I once was, but we seriously do live by the rule at our house, with exceptions that generally come from the grandparents, birthday parties, fun, random family ice cream nights out.

I am strict on screen time. It is limited to an hour a day, with very few exceptions. I require play time/outside time/book time/etc.

I have boys. Maybe you don't, but I do. Do you know how much boys eat? They NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER stop eating. Ever.

With the portion control. If my boys are still hungry, do I politely tell them, "I'm sorry. You've already had the maximum portion you can have for right now. In another 2 hours, it will be time for a snack. Remember, you are on a strict diet.

Yeah. Right.

My boys run wild all day long and frankly, it takes nutrients to do that.

With the limited weight gain allowed, what the what????!?!?! Do you really want me to stick them on the scale everyday and monitor their weight and create little weight obsessing children? Actually, don't answer that question, because I don't care. I refuse to do that.

And, while we are on this note, while the dietitian was telling me all this bull crap, Dane was standing at her desk and intently listening to her and soaking.up.every.single.word.she.said.

Excuse me!

It's a good thing he has no idea what obese is because that could really scar him. And what about kids, or GIRLS, who do understand that word and are forever changed on that day they learn they are borderline obese?

And for those of you wondering, no. I did not take one thing she said to heart and I will NOT be doing anything she said. I am momma and momma knows best. My boys will keep eating what they eat anytime they are hungry and we will keep being the active/limited TV time family.

I guess my main problem with all of this is what about the parents who are not like me? The ones who will freak out and put their 4 year old and 2 year old on a diet? This world is already insanely obsessed with weight and eating disorders are starting younger and younger. I agree that obesity is an epidemic, but so are eating disorder and distorted body images.

My goal is to raise healthy, confident, secure young men.

And, I don't think I am doing that. I know it.

Parents, moms especially, don't let someone freak you out by telling you something like this. Your goal should be healthy foods, limited TV/electronic time, and activity/fun exercise time each day. If you are doing these things, trust your instinct that your child is growing and developing exactly the way he or she should be. Those charts are bogus anyways. As a doula, I am always comforting mom's who have been told to supplement with formula or stop breastfeeding all together because their child isn't up to par on some chart. That is such nonsense. Every child grows, develops, and weighs differently! There is no standard child!

In case you all are wondering what borderline obese children look like, I bribed my boys to pose for pictures and show me their muscles with dark chocolate chips. A whopping 10 chips a piece. Hope DFACS doesn't come get me!