A Letter To My Youngest

Dear Webb,

I cannot believe we are celebrating my BABY’S 3^rd birthday! Goodness. It is really bittersweet for me. You are my baby and every stage we go through with you is our last time (unless God- and your daddy-sees fit to add another child to our family) to do it. I feel such an urgency to hold on to every second. To slow down the stages. To hold on to your yesterdays. To cherish every accomplishment, because I might not ever be at this stage again. That is hard for me to wrap my head around. You are so far from a baby. You are a big boy in every single sense of the word. In fact, you are accomplishing things at an amazingly fast pace. Just tonight, I was practicing AWANA with Dane and you were sitting next to us looking through a book. I was singing his verses to him over and over to get him to remember the tune and the words. After a few times through by myself, I would sing a few words and then stop to let him sing what was missing. Instead of him saying it, you did! I just laughed and told you “Good Job!!” but it is like that every day. You pick up on the things Dane is doing and you progress soooo quickly because of him, which means, you are growing up much quicker than you should and quicker than I like! LOL.

Spiderman boots and shades and ready for church!

 It has been a wonderful 3 years and you add so much life and happiness to our little family. I always tell people you are a unique character and that is the best and most accurate description for you. The best word for you would be “joyful” though. You spend all day showing us what joy really is and how to be full of it.

This past year you have really developed into your own person. I have fallen more in love with you every single day. You are hilarious and always silly (you remind me of myself in many ways! – not that I’m hilarious) and make us all laugh all throughout the day. If we laugh at one thing you are doing, you will do it nonstop for the next 10 minutes trying to get that same reaction out of us. You are rarely serious and laugh even through your disciplinary talks and disciplinary actions, which I might add often make it hard for mommy and daddy to keep a straight face. You are straight up crazy 90% of every day!!

Makeup all over your face!

You are super excited to celebrate your actual birthday tomorrow. We celebrated with family at a party a few weekends ago because of Mommy and Daddy’s work schedule. So, you are thinking it is pretty grand to celebrate AGAIN! Thankfully, Daddy is off of work tomorrow. After church, we are taking just you out on your special day. We will take you to lunch and to pick out your present. It will be a day devoted to you and making you feel special and loved. Dane will spend some one on one time with Nana and Papa even though he keeps slyly asking you, “Don’t you want me to come with you, Webb???” I told you we would sing “Happy Birthday” to you in the morning and you said, “I will sing it too!” I am sure you will. You are so full of life and live every moment to the absolute fullest.

Webb, Mommy and Daddy love you so much. More than you could ever imagine. Tonight, I am letting myself go back to the night before your labor. I was a very active mom and I had cleaned 2 houses that morning, taught a water aerobics class at our gym, and run 2 miles that night. I laid in bed wondering if it would be the night. At 3am, I woke up and thought I had wet the bed. To my surprise, my water had broken. I wasn’t having any contractions, but I called the midwife and your grandmothers. My midwife told me to get some rest before the contractions started and that was when reality set in. Contractions would be starting. I would be giving birth to another baby. Maybe a son, maybe a daughter. I was overwhelmed with fear, excitement, anxiety, etc. I bawled my eyes out instead of getting some rest. I could not even imagine what it would be like to have 2 children and to have to share my love between them. How could I ever love another child as deeply and fiercely as I loved their brother??!!! Contractions started about 45minutes later and all that went out of my head. I was focused and determined. We took bets as to what time you would be born around 8:45am (about 6cm) as I labored in the pool in the living room and most bets were for lunch time or after lunch. About 9:45am, she checked me and said I was complete and the excitement hit me! I would be having a baby in my arms in just a moment. You were born at 9:54am and I was sooooo overwhelmed with immediate and unconditional love for you. Daddy was the one who announced, “It looks like another boy!”  Another boy! It was exactly what I had wanted. I so desperately wanted Dane to have a little brother. I couldn’t believe I was the mommy to 2 little boys!!!! I looked at your skinny, long body, your soft downy skin, and your beautiful face and my love didn’t have to be shared between the 2 of you, in that moment, my heart doubled its original size. I loved you just as deeply and as fiercely as I loved Dane and it still amazes me today that God allows our hearts to hold so much love. What a dream come true you were for us! Dane was amazed by you and even now, you 2 are the best of buds. It makes my heart overflow again and again when I see the bond the two of you share.

About 8:30am and 6cm

About 9:15 or so and 6-8cm

9:54am. My first glimpse of you. I was in love with you in that moment.

Webb, you are such a gift from God. We are so thankful for you and not only would our family not be the same without you, I wouldn’t be the same without you. You caused my heart to grow and expand in every direction. You made it possible for me to love better and to love deeper. You teach me about patience and laughter every day and force me to practice and exercise both. You have even given me nerves of steel I didn’t think any mom every truly developed as I watch you try every dare-devilish act you (or Dane) think up. You are absolutely, positively the toughest/most tender child I know (funny combination). Today, you and Dane were rastlin’ and he punched you square in the cheek—hard! I held my breath and you didn’t even bat an eye. You just came back for more. Your daddy and I just had to laugh. At the same time, you will barely fall and pass out and pee all over the place. LOL. You will stand up for Dane to bigger kids calling them a “butt-hole” in exchange for them calling your BIG brother a “BABY!”, but when Mommy or Daddy prays for your sad heart, hurt finger, or missing kitty, you will sob through the entire prayer. I am sooooo glad we had you.

I am honored to be your mom. It is not something I take lightly and I understand my responsibility to you. You turning 3 does things to my heart. I cannot pretend that you are my baby anymore. No, I must face reality. I am the mom to two, very big, independent, amazing BOYS! It makes me want to sit down and mourn the baby days, cry over no more breastfeeding, late night rocking, cheering on the crawling and walking, and first words. I refuse to do that though. Tonight, and tomorrow, I celebrate life. I celebrate that you are alive and healthy and that at 3 weeks old God Almighty healed you. I celebrate that even if I am done having babies, Dane got his brother and you have a big brother to help you and be your best friend. I celebrate all your major accomplishments and even your minor ones. I celebrate that deep down, you’ll always be my baby, and that for right now, that is ok with you. I celebrate every single thing about you and I smile and I laugh… because we all know, that is what you would do!

I love you my sweet, not so little, baby. I look forward to watching you grow and change more and more over this next year. I am your biggest fan!

Love always, Mommy 

Most recent picture with mommy. At Starbucks for my birthday :-)

Most recent picture of you with your daddy (and only one I have on my phone!) You boys played and wrestled in the back of the van for close to 30 minutes. All 3 of you were belly laughing!