A year since....

It’s been a year since a terrifying day as a Mother. It was September 24, 2010, a Friday. I was up and getting us all ready and I noticed a small bruise on Webb’s arm. Not a big deal, right? Well…. To me, it was. He was 3 weeks old and I didn’t think he should have a bruise. I remember calling Brent to tell him about the bruise because I found it so strange. Brent said that Dane must have stepped on him or something and thought it no big deal. I still thought it was odd. A few hours later, I changed his diaper and noticed another bruise on his little bum.  We were about to run out the door and I made a mental note to inspect his entire body that night, just to be certain. 

That afternoon, I noticed that Webb’s belly button was bleeding, from where his umbilical cord had fallen off. I noted that to be strange as well. I even called Carolyn (my midwife) to let her know. She told me what to do and said it was no big deal. We met my parents that night for ice-cream and I was so hesitant to tell my mom…. She worries about EVERYTHING. LOL. But, I did tell her. She was terrified, obviously. I was scared too, but I still didn’t feel overly worried. That evening, at bedtime, I went to put Webb’s jammies on and his belly button was bleeding profusely. I decided to check for more bruises while I was thinking about it. I undressed him fully, expecting to find no more bruises. You can imagine my surprise when I found 3 more. They were located in various places and they had no rhyme or rhythm. Instantly, fear overtook my being. I shock from head to toe. It has to be the first time in my life I have ever been truly petrified. I cried and looked at Brent for answers. He too could not explain them.  He put Dane to bed for me and I researched what could be going on. From everything I was reading, it appeared like Webb may have a Vitamin K deficiency. I called my midwife and told her what was going on and my suspicions. She agreed and said she had a pregnant mom at her house (which is also a birthing home) and she was at 10cm, getting ready to push. I remember her saying, “Leave right now and come straight here and I will give him a Vitamin K shot”. I knew she was busy so I flew there. When I got there, she left the pushing mom with her family and came to me. She undressed Webb and was very intent on inspecting him and his bruises. She looked him all over, for a looong time. I could read worry and fear in her expression. She gave him the shot and handed him to me to soothe. She looked at me and said, “Abby, this does not look good. I want you up every 4 hours tonight, monitoring him and these bruises. I want you documenting where you see them, his temperature, his appearance, his eating habits, his diapers, etc. If anything changes or if he gets one more bruise, I want you to take him to the ER immediately.” I numbly nodded and left. When I got out to my car, I nursed Webb and started crying. I would expect anyone medical to be overly worried and cautious about this, even to freak out a bit. But I DID NOT expect Carolyn to. I expected Carolyn to reassure me and comfort me. Blow it off as nothing or even say she had seen it before, but she hadn’t. She was truly worried. I picked up my phone to call Brent unable to see the numbers through my tears. I remember when he answered; I was just sobbing, barely able to get my words out. I said, “Something is terribly wrong with Webb.” Brent became concerned and said, “What?” I cried/screamed out, “I don’t know!!!! But Carolyn is really worried.” We talked a bit more and hung up. The whole way home I felt nauseous. I sobbed to the point of making myself sick. I got home and Brent and I talked, the whole time, I just clung to Webb. I was so very terrified.

I lay in bed that night, sobbing and tossing and turning. I woke up the next morning with puffing eyes and a headache. That morning, I found a new bruise. I held my sweet baby close and cried some more. "WHAT was wrong with him? Did God give him to us, only to take him away? What did his future hold? What was he going to have to experience?" and on and on my mind traveled. Brent and Dane were loading up the car for our trip to Cartersville-- we were scheduled to spend the day with some family and buy a new van. I sat inside rocking Webb. As I rocked, I cried some more. I was beyond scared and had no control over this situation (which is not a place I like being). The only thing I could do to protect him was to pray, I knew that much, but what to pray????!!! I had been using my book, The Power of a Praying Parent, as a devotional each day. I knew I needed to start my day with the Lord and in prayer, so I got up and went to get it. On my way to get it, I prayed, "Lord, let today’s prayer be something that will calm me and help me". I picked it up and turned it to the folded down page, the one that signaled I was to read this chapter for the day. I opened it up, read the chapter title, and burst into fresh tears. Only the Lord could do this… the title read, “Enjoying a Life of Health and Healing”. Now, if we had not been going through the current situation with Webb, I would have read the chapter, prayed for my children and moved on. When I started using this book as a devotional, God knew what our future held. He knew that on that particular day, I would NEED this very prayer. He knew I wouldn’t be able to stand on my own two feet without it. I serve and Almighty, Powerful God and I am beyond grateful for this prayer that reads:

“Lord, because you have instructed us in Your Word that we are to pray for one another so that we may be healed, I pray for healing and wholeness for Webb. I pray that sickness and infirmity will have no place or power in his life. I pray for protection against any disease coming into his body. Your Word says, “He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions” (Psalm 107:20). Wherever there is disease, illness, or infirmity in his body, I pray that You, Lord would touch him with your healing power and restore him to total health. Deliver him from any destruction or injury that could come upon him. Specifically I ask that you heal the problem causing these bruises. If we are to see a doctor, I pray that You, Lord, would show us who that should be. Give that doctor wisdom and full knowledge of the best way to proceed. Thank You, Lord, that You suffered and died for us so that we might be healed. I lay claim to that heritage of healing which you have promised in Your Word and provided for those who believe. I look to You for a life of health, healing, and wholeness for my child.”

 I was sobbing uncontrollably after this prayer and for one reason alone… I felt complete and utter peace and hope where I had just felt fear and uncertainty. Brent came in to find me in this condition and I had him pray the prayer too and we cried together. That prayer brought me the peace I have had since that day. 

We ended up taking Webb to our pediatrician the boys see once in their entire lives (LOL) because we already had a hearing test scheduled for that Monday. Dr. Ho did not even perform the hearing test. He sent us straight to the hospital for blood work. When we got to the hospital, the nurses smiled that, you poor poor things smile at us. We made small talk with them and tried to get them to tell us what the bruises could mean. They just shook their heads and gave us that same smile and said, “It’s hard to know”. We knew in our hearts that they knew exactly what it probably meant. As easy as it would have been to turn back to that fear, we held onto the prayer and trusted the Lord with our Webb. Webb had high liver enzymes and high bilirubin. Under close watch for the next few weeks, we watched those levels continue to rise. I continued to pray, as did numerous other people. People I have never met and will never lay eyes on were praying for Webb and for us. It meant more to me than anything in this world.  Dr. Ho ended up referring us to a GI specialist, Dr. Screws, at T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital.

On our first visit, Dr. Screws said that we may be dealing with something as minor as breast milk jaundice or it could be as severe as Webb needing a liver transplant. Brent and I turned from the doctor and looked at one another. A liver transplant? How would he get a liver? Babies don’t just die and it would need to be a baby’s liver. We turned back to the doctor. He gave us so many possibilities and wrote down so much .We went home and googled everything and continued to pray. We tried to down play it as much as we could to the worrying grandparents. We had blood work and ultrasounds done. Everyone prayed during those tests. They all came back normal. Then Dr.Screws said he was worried Webb might have biliary atresia. He scheduled us for a HIDA scan on October 29. Webb couldn’t eat after 6am and his appointment was at 10am. As a nursing mother, this was the hardest. Webb found comfort through all of this by nursing, not to mention, at this time he was eating around every 2 hours. The tech that was performing the test was so friendly. While he was getting everything set up, he told us what to look for in the scan. He said it would be very easy to see. Webb had to have an IV (it took THREE pricks because his veins were so small) and he had to be strapped down to this machine. The machine would show if he had a blockage in the tubes (ducts) that carry bile from the liver to the gallbladder. Of course, Webb screamed and cried in fear, hunger, and anger. He looked at me like, “Why are they doing this??? Why won’t you pick me up???!!!” I laid my head next to his and sobbed as well. The test was schedule to take an hour and a half. After an hour, we hadn’t seen what we were supposed to see. The tech made small talk with Brent and then kindly decided that he would un-strap Webb and allow me to nurse him. He said that maybe if Webb ate we could see what we were hoping to see. Then we would re-strap him and see what it showed. Brent and I took him to a separate room and discussed what we pretty much knew. The bile was not flowing correctly. Webb was almost 8 weeks old.  If he was diagnosed with having biliary atresia, an operation called the Kasai procedure would need to be done to connect the liver to the small intestine, going around the abnormal ducts. It is most successful if done before the baby is 8 weeks old. However, a liver transplant may still be needed. We knew what we were up against. I prayed while nursing him, continuing to find peace and comfort from my Heavenly Father.  I knew if the Lord took us down that path, then He would see us through. I wasn’t traveling down that path though until HE took us there. My mind just had to stay focused. When he was finished and I had held and babied him a little bit, we returned. We strapped him back down and started the procedure again. Immediately, we saw what we were supposed to see. It was flowing properly!!! Hallelujah!!! Praise the Lord!!

What I couldn’t have possibly known during that scan, was what was going on at the gym and at my mother-in-law’s work. At the gym, a water aerobics class was in session. Around 10:30am, a dear old lady that took my pm water aerobics class stopped the class and made an announcement. She told everyone present (about 30) what Webb was going through and how he was having a very important scan done that morning. She asked everyone to bow their heads and they prayed for Webb and that the Lord would heal him. My mother-in-law was at her work. The bank she worked at was having a meeting. The man holding the meeting noticed that my mother-in-law seemed out of it. He asked her about it and she apologized and explained what Webb was going through and how he had a very important scan today. The man expressed his own concern and told her he would be praying. When he got up front to lead the meeting, he asked everyone to bow their heads so that they could pray for Connie’s grandson. I think she said there was about 20 there. Wouldn’t you know, the Lord chose that day to heal my sweet Webb??!!! When I walked back to nurse Webb, I felt in my heart this would be a day I would never forget. And indeed it is, but not because Webb got a terrible diagnosis, but because this was the day I knew my son would be Enjoying a Life of Health and Healing.

Webb was eventually diagnosed with neonatal hepatitis which is just a scary medical word for unexplained high liver enzymes in a newborn. It is something that he should outgrow and we have another appointment to check his blood work in November. Since his HIDA scan back in October 2010, we have watched his levels either stay steady or lower. Until that point, they were always getting higher. As for the testing in November, this momma ain’t worried; I know who has it all under control. I know He healed my sweet baby. I thank God that He did and I thank Him for all that He taught me during that long and difficult journey. I see now how desperately I needed to learn each and every lesson.

And to you, my sweet, sweet friends who so thoughtfully and consistently prayed for Webb and for us during that time. You would call, text, email, or FB me so often. I always felt your love and more importantly, I felt your prayers. It is what gave me the courage and strength to go on. To face each test and each set of results with hope and faith. Thank you!

During my blog challenge, I told you all how much music speaks to my soul. The Lord really used songs to touch me and minister to me through this whole ordeal. Two of my favorite songs during this time were, “No Matter What” By Kerrie Roberts. It turned into my prayer each and every day. I would cry as I listened to the lyrics. As hard as it was to make that my true hearts prayer, I knew it had to be. I also loved listening to the song by the Ball Brothers, "Sometimes He Calms the Storm".

You have to listen to this song for yourself. It is amazing. Go herehere to listen.

I’m running back to your promises one more time

Lord that’s all I can hold onto

I gotta say this has taken me by surprise

But nothing surprises you

Before a heartache can ever touch my life

It has to go through your hands

And even though I keep asking why

I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love you

No matter what I’m gonna need you

I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, I’ll trust you

No matter what, no matter what

When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself

I’m just sitting in silence

There’s no way I can make it without your help

I won’t even try it

I know you have your reasons for everything

So I will keep believing

Whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope

And you’ll be my strength

No matter what, I’m gonna love you

No matter what I’m gonna need you

I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, I’ll trust you

No matter what, no matter what

Anything I don’t have you can give it me

But it’s okay if you don’t, I’m not here for those things

The touch of your love is enough on its own

No matter what I still love you and I’m gonna need you

No matter what, I’m gonna love you

No matter what I’m gonna need you

I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, I’ll trust you

No matter what, no matter what

I know that you can find a way to keep me from the pain

But if not, I’ll trust you

No matter what, no matter what

I also listened to the words of this song every single day during this journey. I remember praying, “Lord, please whisper to my storm, but if it’s not Your will, hold me close and keep me calm through it all”.

All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long

How quickly blue skies can grow dark And gentle winds grow strong Suddenly fear is like white water Pounding on the soul Still we sail on knowing That our Lord is in control Sometimes He calms the storm With a whispered peace be still He can settle any sea But it doesn't mean He will Sometimes He holds us close And lets the wind and waves go wild Sometimes He calms the storm And other times He calms His child He has a reason for each trial That we pass through in life And though we're shaken We cannot be pulled apart from Christ No matter how the driving rain beats down On those who hold to faith A heart of trust will always Be a quiet peaceful place

If you’re going through a storm yourself, listen to the song here and find comfort from the One I did.