It's Not You, It's Me

Let me first start by saying, this blog has been on my heart for weeks (probably more like months) now.

I have prayed about the best way to word it and wondered if it was being too transparent or not.

It has remained on my heart as I prayed and as the days have passed by.

So, here it is.


Ever heard the phrase, "It's not you, it's me".

Come on, I'm sure we all have. Or. Maybe, we have used the phrase, "It's not you, it's me".

One day, not to long ago, I realized I was unhappy. Life, or more accurately, my marriage was not the marriage I dreamed of having when I was a little girl.

It wasn't a bad marriage. It just wasn't what I had always planned for my marriage. You know, as a little girl when you spend hours upon hours, possibly years, of your life playing house and dreaming of your future life.

I had expectations.

That I expected met.

I came into my marriage with expectations and ideas about what this wonderful thing called marriage would be like.

My Prince Charming would be a romantic, light-hearted, hilarious, not easily upset, patient, helpful, and so much more.

Not from time to time, but always.

He would always be those things.

He would always be trying to swoop me off my feet.

Always be trying to make me fall more and more in love with him.

Always at my service.

It was like a ton of bricks knocking me down to realize one day, it wasn't. And. Judging by my husband, probably wouldn't ever be.

As a young girl, I dreamed that when you are married, you go to bed every single night snuggled up. I love to snuggle. My husband hates it. He used to stick a body pillow in between us at night so we wouldn't accidently touch. After years of marriage, I one day told him what I had dreamed as a little girl, and he agreed to move the pillow, but to still stay on opposite sides ;-) That made me feel so loved though. It took me time to see that him not wanting to touch me, or be all touchy feeling didn't mean he didn't love me, it meant he didn't like physical touch. (huge red flag to me-- That is NOT his love language! LOL.)

But seriously, that expectation was a huge let down.

I also dreamed that my husband would play practical jokes on me. We would have this hilarious marriage where one of us was always waiting on the next practical joke. We would just laugh and laugh together, all the time. Well, I married Mr. Serious himself. He HATES, despises, gets very angry with practical jokes. He is mature and there are very few people he is immature with. I do not fall on the list (for the most part)..

That expectation was a huge let down.

Those are just 2 of the expectations I came with in marriage. But, you get the idea. Pretty much, the things I wanted, he wanted the polar opposite. We were/are completely different. As night and day.

I struggled with that. I cried angry tears in the shower. I prayed God would change him. I treated Brent differently. I had a bad attitude. I was easily offended. I was always quick with a sharp, sarcastic, mean tone.

I soon turned into the wife that I wasn't when I played house for all that time growing up. I just didn't realize it.

One day, I had this conversation with God where I was crying out to Him, "Why me??? Why did you put him with me? We are so different. How can we ever truly be happy when we are like night and day???"

When all of the sudden, I heard the words of my dad (that I believe God reminded me of) that he told me when I was struggling one time with a difficult person.

"God doesn't just put easy people in our life. Some of the most difficult people we will ever encounter will be people in our family or people we must see and interact with every single day. That's not by accident, Abby. God puts those people in our life to mold us and shape us into the person He wants us to be. We shouldn't be angry with God for that. We should humble ourselves and ask God to use that person to make us who He wants us to be."

And then, whoa!

I was like, "Wait a minute, God. You mean, You aren't going to be changing him?!?!?! You are going to be changing me?!?! But, there is nothing wrong with me."

And that, my friends, was the awakening for me. It was like God slapped me with a holy two-by-four.

I am the problem.

I may not be the entire problem and Brent may not be innocent, but I am the majority of the problem.

Here I am, trying to fix and change and manipulate Brent to be who I want him to be instead of allowing him to be who God made him to be.

That is a serious problem.

Along with doing that, when he doesn't act the way I want him to, I become an introvert. Give him the silent treatment. Make him pay for not being who I want him to be. Get easily offended. Have smart, sarcastic remarks.

No wonder we are not happy?

I am making everything soooooo much worse.


To change this marriage, I must change ME. Not Brent.

Hold up, I get it. "It's not you, it's me".

After this revelation. Yes, after. --- Side note, I believe that God works this way many, many times. He works and moves after we show faith. He doesn't do it so we show faith, He proves Himself when we have chosen to trust against all odds. He has done that soooo many times, many times in the form of finances for us, but after we decide to trust God for something impossible, THEN He makes the way totally possible. I feel like if He showed us the possibility beforehand, we wouldn't be practicing faith.

So, after this revelation, God revealed TONS of Christian marriage blogs that were not aimed on fixing your spouse, but on fixing yourself. They linked up to other Christian marriage blogs and I found myself spending my evening researching, praying, and begging for forgiveness from God.

Our preacher began a marriage series (that has been AWESOME!!!!!!! I cannot recommend this enough and if you are interested in this, let me know. I will send you the link to listen to them online. We still have one marriage series sermon left and it is tomorrow.) after my epiphany. The first few were on husband's, but I still walked away feeling like, "If my husband is supposed to love me like that, I shouldn't make it hard for him, and I have been. I need to be the wife I am called to be before my husband can love me like that."

In Bible study, we studied the Fruit of the Spirit for about a week. How convicting that was. Did I exhibit any of that Fruit (notice singular. I don't get to pick and choose which Fruit I want, they come together!) in my marriage??

Galatians 5:22-23

King James Version (KJV)

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

²³ Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Let me just be a little bit more transparent and say, No, I didnt. 

So, after I realized, "It's not you, it's me" is when God began pouring resources in my lap to change me.

One of my favorite tidbits I found on a blog, that I remind myself of often is this:

*I chose him
*I can't change him
*I didn't marry a girl

How true is this? So often, we forget these things. Or at least, I do.

So what are some of the obvious things I began doing differently (and believe me, this is a huge work in progress. I have not mastered this yet. I still fail daily.)

1) I began praying over areas I was dissatisfied with instead of trying to change Brent or these issues on my own. Hello? Me vs. The Holy Spirit??? Why would I ever try to win that one. First of all, I can't and second of all, it is exhausting and depressing to attempt to all the time. I don't have what it takes and I am not called to. I pray about it and leave it at the feet of Jesus. This has been especially helpful when I want to have a snide comeback or a sarcastic remark. I try, that means I don't always do it, but I try to bite my tongue, pray, and ask God to mute me, change me, and use me.

2) I realized that one of us isn't right and the other wrong. We are just different and that is exactly how God made us (another lesson from dad). I also try to figure out what is upsetting me the most and use that to decipher what God could be trying to change about me. This is so not fun ;-) or easy!

3) I love him in spite of his flaws. This might have been the biggest awakening I had. Why should I expect perfection when I am no where close? I am telling you, I don't think I realized I wasn't a perfect wife until I had this epiphany. That is so sad, I know.

4) I laugh with him everyday. Even if he is sleepy, grumpy, in a serious mood, etc. I try my absolute hardest to find something humorous and for us to laugh together about it (and we have been laughing together SO much!!!). Used to, I would get offended that he wasn't in a silly mood like me or something and there would be no laughing from either of us ;-)

5) Don't be so offensive. You probably get that from #4. I used to wait for opportunities to get offended.

(You must be wondering by now how I thought he was the one who needed to be changed and we aren't finished yet, not even close!)

6) This sort of goes with #3, but...

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Matthew 7:3 KJV

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? NIV

...don't focus on all this flaws and fail to notice my own.

7) I should treat him better, not even equal, but definitely not worse than I treat my friends, kids, strangers, etc. He is top priority. I should never show more love and respect to a friend than I do to Brent.

8) I should respect my husband. Always. Not just when I think he deserves it. That respect should bring about submission which I should do joyfully.  

Ephesians 5:22-33

King James Version (KJV)

²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
²⁴ Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

9) Let things go. If he upsets me or whatever, just let it go. Don't try to get the last word, or the last hurt in. Just let it go.

10) Practice what I read in my Bible and from godly women in the blogs I am reading and what I am learning at church in the marriage series and from Bible study. Truly study it and put it into practice. 

11) Don't get upset when he isn't the person I think he should be. Realize and even appreciate that God is working on him, not me. God works at a different pace than I might like. That is ok.

12) Put his needs ahead of my own. Pamper him. Take care of him. Make him feel special, adored, loved.

13) Don't talk bad about my spouse to anyone. Period. Lift him up. I found this to be so helpful on the days I wanted to vent to someone, instead, I found one good thing to say about Brent and I am telling you, my entire perspective on my husband would change.

14) Remember that divorce is not an option. I didn't come from a broken home (PTL), but Brent did. He and I never want our children to face divorce and everything that comes along with that. Brent's stories just break my heart when I see Dane or Webb's face behind them. Together, we have agreed, divorce is NEVER an option. So, with that on my mind, I need to work at this marriage like my life depends on it. Because technically it does. If I am in this for life. My life depends on it.


Can I just say, "WOW!" Our marriage has been so wonderful lately.

I give all the honor and glory to God and I take NO credit here.

I feel like I could bust with love for my husband. I am overwhelmed how much our marriage has changed since I began allowing God to chisel at me and mold me.

Months ago... this text would not have transpired between us.

I truly do believe God gave me Brent to mold and make me into the wife, mother, and woman that He wanted me to be. I stand amazed at how far we have come in such a short time frame.

Please don't think I am saying I have this whole wife thing down, because I DON'T. I fail daily. Satan knows what I am passionate about and what I am working on and believe me, he attacks me daily! He wants to see us fail and I will never give him the satisfaction! I am not trying to say, "do it like me and everything will be hunky dory!" This blog post has really and truly been on my heart and I almost didn't write it because I didn't want to come across as "holier than thou" or "she thinks she is so perfect!".

I am trusting someone needed to read this and hear my story.

I will leave you with this. I actually read it on a friend's blog a looooong time ago and printed it off because I loved it so much! I taped in where I could see it daily, but obviously, didn't take it to heart. I remembered this piece of paper that was still packed away as I sat to blog this morning. I need this reminder. Maybe you do too.

A good wife:
Advises her husband on every important matter, and often restrains him from hasty speech.. receives him weary, discouraged, irritable, and sends him out again strong, hopeful, sweet-tempered. The woman is the shadow and the man stands in the open, and it is not until the woman dies and the man is left alone that the people or he himself knows what she has been.
A true wife is the husband's better half, his flower of beauty, and his heart's treasure. In her company he finds his earthly heaven; she is the light of his home and the comfort of his soul.



I love you, babe! I am so thankful you are mine. I can't wait to grow old with you and fall more and more in love.

Thanks For the Reminder

The boys and I sing all throughout the day.

It's just what we do.

The hubby LOVES it. (Total sarcasm)

We were singing, "This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." the other day.

I was talking to the boys explaining that sometimes it's easy to let a bad mood ruin the day. To have an attitude, or to get mad and just let the whole day be ruined when there is so much good in a day. I told them everyday from God was a gift and there was beauty and good in each day, even the days that seem the darkest. The Bible tells us to Rejoice and Be Glad. Obviously, I knew some of this was over their head, I was saying it as a reminder to me more than anything since it is easy for me to be a grump. I know they learn as they listen and watch, so I know they will pick up on this as we talk about it more and more and perhaps I will do a better job of leading by example.

I told Dane (more than Webb) that we should try to remember that the Lord makes each day and we should honor Him with how we live.

I told him that many times, mommy lets a bad mood, stress, lack of sleep, disobedient kids, or hurtful words ruin my entire day. I said, "The next time you see mommy in a bad mood, you just need to start singing this song to me. I will do the same for you."

Well, wouldn't you know, a few days later.... I was grumpy.

I know, I know. It's shocking ;-)

I was ill and I was frustrated, and I was ill and frustrated for selfish reasons.

The boys were taking the brunt of my grumpiness.

I saw from the corner of my eye Dane lean over and whisper to Webb.

It looked much like this.

I see Webb just look at Dane and Dane said, "COME ON! She said to do it!"

Then, Dane starts singing, with Webb hitting a few words here and there, "This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made. I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it and be glad in it."

It caught me so off guard, that I busted out laughing.

I immediately went to the boys and sang with them. Then I apologized and said they were right. This was the day the Lord had made and mommy was being a grump and for no reason.

I am grateful for a precious 4 (almost 5) year old and 2-1/2 year old that help mommy remember her own lessons!

I love them so much!

The Magic of Momma

As I was getting all snuggled up to go to sleep last night, I hear Webb starting to cry.

I give him a minute to get up and come to me since I had just gotten all settled ;-)

When he doesn't, I go to him. He is crying and crawling towards the end of the bed when I walked in.

I called his name and when he saw me, he said, "Momma".

I could tell his voice sounded hoarse (not from crying). ----Turns out, he coughed all night long!

As soon as I got him in my arms, he laid his head down and the tears stopped instantly.

I got his water bottle and some toilet paper for his snotty nose and we snuggled down in my bed.

He drank some water, got as close to me as he could get, and peacefully went back to sleep.

Even after almost 5 years, I am still finding it hard to believe that I have that momma magic.

You know the kind.

When you were younger, maybe even now, and you were upset, scared, hurt, sick, crying--- all it took to make everything all better was momma.

I love that all I need to do it pick up my boy (either one) and everything is peaceful and quiet.

They are able to calm down and rest.

I still find it hard to believe that I can offer the same comfort, protection, and love that my momma offered me.

Being a momma is the BEST!!!

Wait A Minute, What???!

The boys saw a dietitian a few weeks ago.

She weighted them, checked their height, checked their iron, and we discussed some of the things they eat and drink.

They were in the 50% for height (meaning they are average for kids their age) and in the 90% for their weight (meaning 10% of kids their age weigh more than them and 90 % weigh less). And yes, both of them were in the same percentiles for their age.

She took out her little chart thing and explained to me that my boys are both borderline obese.

Wait a minute, WHAT?!?!?

I looked up at her and realized that yes, she was dead serious.

I started laughing, yes, laughing and did not say a word.

She told me to not let either one of them gain more than a pound in the next month and to start managing their portions.

The entire time I am telling myself to not say what was on my mind, and yay me! I didn't!!!

But, for the sake of all things ridiculous.... MY KIDS ARE NOT BORDERLINE OBESE???!?!?!

I'll start by saying, I know I am no dietitian, BUT... BUT... I consider myself to be highly intelligent when it comes to health, nutrition, diet, exercise, PORTIONS, you name it.

It is my passion.

Some of you may know, I was working towards a degree in Nutrition/Exercise Science when I found out I was pregnant with Dane. It really is my passion.

I spend hours a week researching nutrition. My goal is to cook healthy meals and teach my family about true health. NO diets, only a lifestyle--- whole, unprocessed foods (as much as possible, yes we do eat processed foods from time to time), in their natural forms. Absolutely NO diet, low-fat, no fat, sugar free, 90 calorie, etc. junk. That is not food. That is man made garbage. And, I think I do a pretty dag-gum good job of it teaching it/practicing what I preach.

My boys drink WATER only. They both get a cup full (around 8oz) of almond milk or whole milk (we recently switched to almond milk only) in the mornings. That is it. I am picky about it. One, it is unnecessary sugars and not what their body is made up of/in need of and two, it is expensive and water is free!

I cook very healthy. I cannot think of one unhealthy meal I cook except for homemade pizza (when I don't make my healthy version, which is extremely rare) and I use Publix pizza dough. Veggies are offered at every meal and snacks at our house are: nuts, fruits, veggies, yogurts, cheese, applesauce, left over meals, etc. There is no cookies, cakes, prepackaged junk in our house other than goldfish and pretzels on a regular basis (yes we are humans, and yes, sometimes we splurge, but rarely is it at our house, if we splurge, we are out. That is the exception though and we live by the rule, not the exception.). I am not as anal about it as I once was, but we seriously do live by the rule at our house, with exceptions that generally come from the grandparents, birthday parties, fun, random family ice cream nights out.

I am strict on screen time. It is limited to an hour a day, with very few exceptions. I require play time/outside time/book time/etc.  

I have boys. Maybe you don't, but I do. Do you know how much boys eat? They NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER stop eating. Ever.

With the portion control. If my boys are still hungry, do I politely tell them, "I'm sorry. You've already had the maximum portion you can have for right now. In another 2 hours, it will be time for a snack. Remember, you are on a strict diet.

Yeah. Right.

My boys run wild all day long and frankly, it takes nutrients to do that.

With the limited weight gain allowed, what the what????!?!?! Do you really want me to stick them on the scale everyday and monitor their weight and create little weight obsessing children? Actually, don't answer that question, because I don't care. I refuse to do that.

And, while we are on this note, while the dietitian was telling me all this bull crap, Dane was standing at her desk and intently listening to her and soaking.up.every.single.word.she.said.

Excuse me!

It's a good thing he has no idea what obese is because that could really scar him. And what about kids, or GIRLS, who do understand that word and are forever changed on that day they learn they are borderline obese?

And for those of you wondering, no. I did not take one thing she said to heart and I will NOT be doing anything she said. I am momma and momma knows best. My boys will keep eating what they eat anytime they are hungry and we will keep being the active/limited TV time family.

I guess my main problem with all of this is what about the parents who are not like me? The ones who will freak out and put their 4 year old and 2 year old on a diet? This world is already insanely obsessed with weight and eating disorders are starting younger and younger. I agree that obesity is an epidemic, but so are eating disorder and distorted body images.

My goal is to raise healthy, confident, secure young men.

And, I don't think I am doing that. I know it.

Parents, moms especially, don't let someone freak you out by telling you something like this. Your goal should be healthy foods, limited TV/electronic time, and activity/fun exercise time each day. If you are doing these things, trust your instinct that your child is growing and developing exactly the way he or she should be. Those charts are bogus anyways. As a doula, I am always comforting mom's who have been told to supplement with formula or stop breastfeeding all together because their child isn't up to par on some chart. That is such nonsense. Every child grows, develops, and weighs differently! There is no standard child!

In case you all are wondering what borderline obese children look like, I bribed my boys to pose for pictures and show me their muscles with dark chocolate chips. A whopping 10 chips a piece. Hope DFACS doesn't come get me!

For reasons of privacy and the desire to not offend anyone who knows this lady, I will not say where we saw her or who she is.

Growing and Changing

My boys are growing and changing a a pace that is frightening!

I look at Dane so often and wonder how he became this 4 year old (almost 5 year old) boy. Where did the time go? How did the years fly by so quickly?

Then, I see Webb. Isn't he supposed to be the baby? Why is he such a big boy? How can he mimic Dane and sound so grown up?

Bittersweet. 

I try to focus on all the sweet and not the bitter. For the most part, I'm good at getting my head and my mind away from the sad and focusing on all the wonderful good. With 2 boys and an amazing husband, I have a tremendous amount of good.

Them growing and changing could be bitter, but I like to look at it as sweet.

How many parents wish there children were on their level? How many would love to see them accomplish the things other children their age can do? How many want to see them grow and change, learn and succeed scholastically, leave and cleave? How many parents know that will never, ever happen? 

So many!

So, for that reason, my boys growing and changing is a blessing :-)

I have really slacked at the boys' baby's books these days. I use FB and my blog as a place to record all those little things. 

I want to do a better job of recording where they are in life because it is so easy to forget.

Dane- 4 years old (turns 5 in 3 months)

Dane is my thoughtful child. His Gammie had surgery and while he watched the bandage get changed, he just loved on her and patted her hair and face. He is caring and kind and giving. His Nana gave him money this weekend ($3) and when he saw me, he told me I could have it and go shopping. He is also respectful. Please and Thank You. Yes Mam and No Mam. No thank you and Yes please. Excuse me. Helping out around the house (I've been teaching him what it means to be a "gentleman") and holding the door for other people.

He loves camo. Anyone who knows him knows this. It is all he asked for for Christmas. Camo and hunting stuff. On Sunday mornings, he wants to wear his camo gear, so we meet in the middle-- camo pants and boots, but a nice, Sunday shirt. I was talking about going shopping for his Easter outfit and he said, "I don't need to. I already know what I am wearing. My camo pants and boots and my grey and yellow shirt." 

Here is a Sunday morning example :-)

Speaking of church, he LOVES church, Bible study, and AWANA. I am so thankful we are in a church that offers so much for him to be involved in and for me. When I go, he goes and he loves to go! He has wonderful teachers and he gets very excited to see them each week. The things he is learning absolutely amaze me. I am so thankful for the instruction and love he receives there. I am praying and hopeful that we will see him accept Jesus as his personal Savior in the next few years as he begins to grasp and understand Jesus and exactly what He did for us all.

I believe his love language is physical touch. He loves to cuddle and hug and kiss us. Since he was little, he would flip his biscuits if we didn't hug and kiss him before leaving (or anyone for that matter). "I NEEEED A KISS AND A HUG!!!!!!! (***SOB SOB SOB***) His newest thing is to get about 20+ kisses and hugs as we are leaving. Even chasing us down the driveway for one last kiss and hug ;-) At they gym, he kisses me 10 times as I get his breakfast out and chases me down as I'm leaving for more.

My dad teaches Dane all these hilarious sayings. One of the things Dane says (that my dad swears he didn't teach him) is, "For Bear, Stink Bear)". None of us have any idea what it means. He says it when we are leaving. It falls in line after, "See ya later alligator. Watch out for crocodiles. For Bear Stink Bear (the accent that goes with it makes it even better)." It always makes me and Brent laugh and sometimes, we even say it to each other ;-) Brent leaving at 6:30am, I kiss him and say, "For Bear, Stink Bear."

He loves Tom and Jerry and the Brady Bunch.

He loves to read and is getting more and more into chapter books. His favorite has been The Magic Tree House Series and Little House in the Big Woods. 

Dane recently told me, "Mom, when I grow up, I want to be in the army so I can shoot guns all day." He LOVES guns. What little boy doesn't? I would never try to take his love of guns away. I think that is part of what little boys are made up of and I am thankful he exhibits the characteristics of a BOY!

Dane loves to learn and do school. He also loves to color and draw. I am so proud of how talented he is in the art department. Just this week, for the first time, we practiced cutting around edges and he did perfect. I was proud. In school, he catches on immediately. I am taking it slow because he is so young and I really and truly do not want him doing "school" for more than about an hour (if that) each day. I like for him to play and be a kid for now. More often than not though, he is begging to do school.

Learning in depth about Joseph and loving every bit of it.

Cutting and very intent on it.

He aims to please. He loves to make us happy. We try really hard to praise his good efforts (behavior, obedience, kindness to his brother) for this reason. 

His favorite snacks (and he NEVER stops eating) are: yogurt, carrots, cheese stick, apple, almonds, applesauce, banana, pretzels dipped in mustard, and peanut butter on a spoon.

Webb- 2-1/2

Webb is my mischievous child. He is ALWAYS getting into something and just laughs and laughs when you get on to him. We have a hard time doing so because he is so stinking cute!

Liquid glue poured all in the floor.

He loves his big brother to pieces and will do anything Dane tells him to do.

Can't help but look at Dane.

See the adoration in his eyes?!

Not only does he love Dane, he loves babies. He wants me to have a baby! He plays with baby dolls and is sweet, tender, and loving to them.

Baby doll.

So happy to be holding a real baby!

Webb cracks us up by always blaming someone. He will be walking and trip and fall and turns around and says, "HEY! Momma, DON'T DO THAT!! YOU MADE ME FALL." I always tell him I didn't do it and he is certain it wasn't him. He gets onto Brent, Dane, Rosie, you name it. If he falls or gets hurt, someone is getting in trouble.

However, Webb is super sweet to apologize or help, or say thank you or I'm sorry. In the middle of the night (he gets up and gets in our bed every single night) he sometimes is whining and flailing. I never wake up unless he smacks me right across the face. I will wake up saying, "OUCH!" He instantly stops whining and flailing and says, "Sorry mom, sorry, mom" and kisses my face. Today, we were walking outside, I was holding him and I said I was cold. He put his hands over my ears and said, "Me keep your ears warm, mom." He is sensitive and loving!

He LOVES choo choos and just recently started liking Thomas. We stopped in Downtown Cartersville Saturday after the gym to look for choo choos. We were there 5 minutes before one came. He was so excited his entire face lit up!

His favorite word these days is: Why?

He is Mr. Independent. He can do it, he doesn't need your help, and don't you dare try to help him!

He searches for the star of life, ambulances, or EMT's all day long.

Our gym's sign looks like this

and he is always freaking out that it is a star of life!

He loves animals. To death. Literally. Poor Rosie. One day, he was screaming for her and he said, "Rosie!! Come here, sweet girl!"

His favorite snacks (and he never ever stops eating either) are: goldfish, bananas, pasta, pecans, yogurt, honey on a spoon, anything his daddy is eating, apples, pretzels dipped in ketchup (gross! We use mustard, but he says that is hot), bacon, and my cold, last sip of my coffee.

Both of my boys idolize their daddy. They adore him and think he is the coolest cat around.

If you read my Valentine's post, you know why that is so special to me. Pictures like this..... make me cry.

I love my big, growing boys so very much . I am super duper blessed to be able to stay home with them and homeschool them. Some days are unbelievably hard and longer than they should be, but I know we are in God's will for our family and we all just keep pressing forward. 

They teach me unconditional love, patience, and how to not be so time and chore oriented. They teach me to embrace life, love, and laughter to the fullest. I love them more than life itself. I am proud and honored to be their mommy!

New Locks

Sex.

Yes, this blog post it going to be about sex. If you are my mother, my MIL, or any other private person who gets uncomfortable reading about sex and you don't want to know what I'm going to say about sex, log off now. Do you like how I used the word SEX many times?!?!

When you're husband is gone 24 hours at a time and exhausted more often than not when he isn't at work, you are forced to get creative. Now, don't freak out!

Not those creative details.

Creativity in keeping sex a priority.

It generally goes something like this in our household:

We keep recorded shows the boys like on our DVR. Brent will turn one on and we escape.

More often than not, there is a knock (or 15) on our locked door.

The dialogue goes like this (almost to a T).

KNOCK KNOCK

Brent: What???

Dane: Where's mommy?

Brent: She's pooping (or taking a shower or outside in the backyard with Rosie). I'm trying to sleep so go away and she'll be out in a minute.

Dane: But I NEED her.

Brent: She'll be out in a minute. Go watch cartoons.

Dane: I want to go in there with her while she poops.

Brent: No, I'm trying to sleep. Mommy will be out when she is finished.

HEAR FEET WALK AWAY


OR:


KNOCK KNOCK

Brent: WHAT?

Webb: Ummmm, Daddy.

Brent: Yes?

Webb: Whatchew doing?

Brent: Trying to sleep. Go away and watch cartoons.

Webb: UNLOCK DA DOOR!!! I TAN'T GET IN!!!!

Brent: I'm sleeping.

Webb: Why?

Brent: I'm tired. Now go watch cartoons.

Webb: Why?

Brent: Just go.

Webb: Why?

Brent: Go get your monster trucks ready to play with me.

Webb: Ok.

HEAR FEET WALK AWAY. THEN, HEAR MANY LOUD CRASHES OUTSIDE OUR BEDROOM DOOR.

BANGING ON THE DOOR WITH LOUD OBJECTS

Webb: DAAAAADDDDDDY!!!! I got my monster trucks. COME PLAY!!!!!



This is no joke. If we get through with no door knocks, it is a rare and happy day!

So, a few weeks ago.... after the dialogue with Dane that went very similar to what is above, the door opens up.

YEAH.

As in, we were having sex (you know, where you don't have on clothes and you are not under any covers!) and we both heard the door open.

We jump around and fumble every which way possible grabbing anything that could be used to cover us up (and I will NOT even tell you what position it was!!!!!!)!

We see Dane.

Dane walks over to the bed and jumps up. He shows us a quarter and says, "SEEEEE? I got a quarter and unlocked the door myself."

I hide my head in shame because I am supposed to be pooping (also, I was laughing uncontrollably). Brent and Dane go back and forth where Dane asks many times, "What are you doing????". He ends up telling Dane that I am putting him to sleep and I'll be out as soon as Daddy is sleeping.

As he is walking out, Brent yells, "And lock the door behind you!!!!"

I go out and sit with him on the couch afterwards.

Me: Hey, buddy. (trying to figure out how to start this convo.)

Dane: Mom, why was your door locked?

Me: About that, you do NOT ever unlock mommy and daddy's door when it is locked. You can wait for us to unlock it.

Dane: But, why?

Me: Because mommy's and daddy's need alone time sometimes and there is a reason the door is locked.

Dane: But, I needed you.

Me: What for?

Dane: I needed a cheesestick.

Me: Well, you could have gotten that yourself.

Dane: But mommy, why were you and daddy naked together on the bed?

Me: (SHOCKED!!!!) Dane, do not EVER unlock our door again. Do you understand me?

Dane: Yes, mam.

Then I got up so he would not see me laughing.

It was pretty funny actually and Brent and I joke many times about the horror he will face one day when we give him the sex talk.

OH.MY.SOUL!!!! THAT is what my parents were doing and THAT is why my mommy poops and I can't sit in front of her while she does it!!!!


Fast forward a few weeks. Dane has not unlocked our door anymore. He still knocks and drives us crazy. I mean, he begs for cartoons alllllll day long. I am strict on when and how much they can watch. We save them for special times in hopes they will SIT there and watch them. It never fails. They never just sit and watch if we are behind closed doors.


Yesterday, I actually had Thomas on (Webb's very favorite). Not 5 minutes later, he was banging our door down.

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!

Brent and him went back and forth and I stayed quiet.

He walked away and then, we heard something. The door opens up and Webb is holding a "key" and he said, "Na-Na Boo Boo. I unlock the door!"

ARE YOU SERIOUS????

Now, our 2 year old can unlock them also???

It has now been decided, we are investing in some new locks! There is no privacy for mommy and daddy! And one day, I am going to pay them back and tell them all these stories!!!!!!!



How about you guys??? Any embarrassing stories you've got to share? Come on! Share them and make me feel better ;-) OR... Better yet!!!??? How do you keep the kids out?

The Story of Us.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and I am going to take a post to talk about Love.

I don't talk about it near enough and so many people don't even realize that Brent and I have a story. A very intriguing, God-written, amazing love story, but we do.

I guess I'll start at the beginning.

To be honest, I have no idea if this has been recorded in this blog or not. So if it has, I'm sorry.

Summer 2007

I worked with Brent's sister at a Chiropractor office while I was in college at Kennesaw. She and I grew to be close friends and one day, she mentioned trying to set me up with her brother. I checked out his blurry Myspace photo and got a few details on this mystery man.

There was a 4th of July Pig Roast coming up and I agreed to go on a blind date to meet Brent.

We met and he didn't speak but about 2 words to me the entire evening.

I liked him.

I don't know why. He sure didn't give me many reasons that day, but there was something about him.

Apparently, he liked me too because he called me out of the blue that next week. Something completely out of character for such and introverted young man.

Let me stop right here and give you some background on the two of us individually.

We were not living for the Lord. We were both far outside of His will living to please ourselves.

Brent was involved with alcohol, cigarettes, and other personal things that were not of the Lord.

I drank from time to time. Nothing too serious because I didn't like drinking. I only did it because my friends were and I wanted to fit in. My problem was boys. I liked boys. I let go of values I had been taught and values that were important to me growing up because I liked boys and I wanted them to like me. I would not call myself a whore (I mean, who would do such a thing???!! LOL), but I definitely have a past with boys I am not proud of.

So, Brent and I started our relationship over the phone. We hit it off which is so ironic because we are entirely different from one another.

If I'm honest with myself and you, I'd say we started sleeping together from the start. Which is pretty easy to figure out if you do the math.

I met him at a 4th of July party.

My last period was on August 24 and I found I was pregnant on September 26, 2007.

I only took a test that morning because I was miserable and I wanted to break up with Brent. I did not think I was pregnant, but I wanted to be certain.

Imagine my surprise when 2 pink lines show up and I realize I am pregnant with a stranger's baby. A stranger I didn't like.

Fear. Despair. Humiliation. Anxiety. Heartbreak. Confusion. Terror.

The list of the emotions I felt could go on and on.

I was afraid Brent would suggest abortion, but he didn't. He said we would do what we had to do.

Clearly, I had no idea what that would be.

I was in college aiming to get a degree in Nutrition or Exercise Science. I knew that would not happen. I lived an hour away from my family in an apartment with a college roommate.

I agreed to move in with Brent even though I didn't want to because I felt as though I couldn't move an hour away from Brent. I didn't feel like I had any other options.

It's funny. Even though I was soooo far away from the Lord and not living for him at all, I felt guilty moving in with Brent. I was embarrassed to tell people I lived with my boyfriend. 

There are so many deep and personal things that happened during my pregnancy and the course of us living together.

None are good.

We were two people who literally hated one another and were not living for the Lord.

It was a miserable, horrible time.

During the pregnancy, I started visiting some churches in town (alone, Brent wanted no part of it.) because I knew somethings had to change when I was a mom. I had to go back to my roots. I didn't really start changing though.

The day I gave birth to Dane, I took one look at him and knew he deserved so much better than me. I didn't understand why God would give me something so perfect and precious. What  had I done to deserve him? Now he would be raised by 2 selfish, hateful parents who didn't even love each other. It was hard to take in.

Those first few days, I held Dane so tightly and so selfishly. I didn't want many others holding him. It was my way of protecting him. Of trying to express my love and sorrow to him. My deepest apologies for what I had brought him into. He didn't deserve it and yet, he was a part of it and it was my fault.

When Dane was 3 weeks old we hit rock bottom. The hatred and anger in the house was just too much. I packed up my stuff one day while Brent was at work and I took me and Dane and went to Ringgold. When I talked to Brent later, I told him that Dane and I would not be returning.

It was hard to stick to my decision. Even though we clearly weren't meant to be together, I was making the decision to raise my son in a split family. Something I never had to experience personally and something I swore my kids would never have to experience.

The guilt was overwhelming at times. The sorrow. The anger. The pain.

What had my decision led my precious son to? A life I would never wish for him. I vowed to be the best mom in the world. To somehow, make it up to him.

Throughout my pregnancy, I had visited a church in Chickamauga. When I moved home, I went there on a regular basis and God started working on me.

He started changing me. I had turned from the Lord, but He had always been there for me. Waiting patiently for me to return. The further I had gotten, the quieter His voice had become, but He was still there, beckoning me back.

Forgiving me.

Accepting me.

Loving me.

Promising to never leave me or forsake me.

Sticking closer than a brother on lonely days.

I began to become the mom that Dane deserves. My standards changed. My desires changed. My motives changed. My heart changed. My life changed.

Brent and I had attempted to make it work through the months of June (when I moved home) through November-ish, but it was obvious to us that it would never work out. We were just too different. More different now than before since I was living for the Lord. So much about me had changed. The Lord had worked miracles in my life and made me who I was meant to be. There are some very personal details woven into our story that I'm not sure Brent would be comfortable with me sharing to the entire World Wide Web.

Brent was not living for the Lord. He also wasn't being a daddy to Dane. I guess it was that whole "out of sight out of mind" thing and the fact that he had never really had the chance to bond with Dane.

Due to some deeply personal things that happened during this time, I got a restraining order on Brent.

In all honestly, the way my mind worked when I got this was:

I wanted Brent to make a decision.

I either wanted him to sign away his rights so that Dane would never ever experience hurt (emotional-- from the lack of connection, love, and relationship that was there at this point.) from him...

OR

I wanted Brent to fight with all his being and decide that, "no way was I going to restrain him from his son."

I honestly cannot say what I wanted more at this time. I just wanted something definite. Something stable. I either wanted Dane to have his daddy or not have his daddy, but I didn't want a "part-time" daddy. Someone that didn't really care.

Brent took the latter decision.

He fought for Dane and during that time, a relationship budded between them and a strong love and bond held them tight. Now that Brent had experienced it, nothing would keep him from his son.

That was what I wanted for Dane.

During Brent's visits, I noticed an outward change.

He clearly had lost about 50 pounds and looked healthier and happier.

He and I were not speaking. Yes, he would come and see Dane every Saturday, but we did not communicate. We both had lawyers and we were about to begin the custody battle.

I had noticed Brent seemed to be sweeter towards me. His eyes appeared more kind when I would see him, but I chalked it up to him trying to fool me for something court related.

During this time, Easter was approaching. Brent and his mom were taking Dane to get pictures with a live bunny in Cartersville. Dane was about 8 months old and of course, as a mom, I would have LOVED to experienced that. Out of the blue, Brent text me to see if I wanted to go. I questioned what the lawyers would say and he said it didn't matter. He figured I would want to see Dane and he wanted me to be able to. I agreed to go. That trip was a hard one. We were together as a family going on an outing that should be normal in every way, but instead, was beyond awkward. I ached for what Dane would miss out on.

A few weeks later, Dane got sick. I text Brent to let him know and he offered to take him to the doctor.

I laughed and said, "No. I will take him. You can come if you want."

CLEARLY expecting him to say, "No. Just let me know what they say."

I was shocked (and a bit angered) that he said, "I'm leaving now. Be there in an hour."

WHAT????!?!!??!!!

What kind of stunt was he pulling???

And to top it off, I would have to spend an afternoon with him. URG.

I wanted a diagnosis. I had no plans to give him meds, but I wanted to know how I could treat it.

I got fearful that Brent had agreed to come up here because he knew I wouldn't give meds and he would use this in his arguments with the courts. Declaring how I was an unfit mother or something. I was scared.

He was a huge help at the doctor and when we got the diagnosis of an ear infection, Brent immediately said, "We don't do meds, so no need to write the prescription."

My mouth wanted to hang open, instead I silently nodded my agreement to the doctor. He walked out and we discussed which chiropractor to take him to, etc.

After all of that, Brent offered to take us to lunch. I wanted to go home, but agreed.

We went to this mexican restaurant and we chatted. During our talk, Brent started crying and apologized to me for very specific instances that he had hurt me. He wasn't vague. He was detailed.

He apologized about things I had forgotten about.

I could not believe this.

Tears rolled down my face as I revisited that time and the pain involved. Tears also fell because he seemed genuine and that almost hurt more.

I accepted his apology not knowing how to take it.

On the way home, the song, When God Ran came on the radio. It had become a personal favorite of mine because of where I was. Brent started crying saying this is how he felt at this time in his life.

What?

Had God been working on him separately?

It was too good to be true so I didn't even let my mind go there.

When we got home, I was nervous to what my mom would say.

I told her everything and laughed it off. I'll never forget what she said because I expected her to warn me to be careful to not fall for anything. Instead she said, "Abby, if he wants to work on things, I think you should give him another chance."

WHAT WAS GOING ON????

Brent and I talked after that on the phone. That was a first. We chatted and enjoyed conversation. In a way, it was as though we were meeting for the first time. Just getting to know one another. We had both changed so much.

Mom suggested we watch Fireproof. Neither one of us had seen it.

He came up the next week and we watched that. He also brought with him a present for me. It was proof of some changes. Some changes that were very important to me. This was a vital step in him regaining trust from me. It showed me how much he cared about me. He humbled himself to demonstrate he cared and loved me. That was a first.

I cried.

He told me how he wasn't smoking, drinking, or any other bad things. He was going to church. God was working on him. Convicting him to piece his family back together.

The movie was like watching us on screen. I couldn't believe how God could use that to reach us even more. (Side note, at our wedding, the day we watched the movie was such a huge stepping stone in our relationship, our main song we had sung was, Love Is Not A Fight. Wow. That song gets me every time. Every. Time. Listen to it now. It is OUR story!! Love is not a fight, but it is SO worth fighting for. We also had printed on our handout thing, "Love is not about who you can live with, it's about who you can't live without.")

He asked if on Saturdays, instead of it being him and Dane, could it be the 3 of us.

I agreed.

From that point on, we dated. This was early April I'd say. He proposed the end of May and we were married in November.

We have a unique love story.

We talk about it all the time in utter amazement at how it all happened.

We both believe without a doubt, God sent us Dane to get our attention.

I don't believe sex outside of marriage is God's will. He gives us a free will. We act on that. I do believe Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

I believe He took our sin, our wrong doings, and because we confessed and desired to live for Him, He turned all the bad around for good. Do I think God created Brent for me? I'm not so sure. I stepped outside His will and took that out of His hands and placed it in my hands. My choices were not in line with His will. I think He took out our wrong, and turned it around for His good and our good. Whether or not He created Brent for me, He is working this out and we are happy. We love each other. We choose to love. We choose to stay together. We choose to work on this covenant we made. That is more than some folks who did it right (dated, fell in love, got married, and then had kids) have. We are blessed.

We know and believe we had many loved ones praying for us. We attribute where we are today to their prayers and their support. They prayed us back together even though they maybe didn't want that at the time. They knew it would be best case scenario.

We were both headed down the wrong paths straight toward destruction. God could have used anything to get our attention (a drug overdose, a DUI, a wreck, an STD, etc) and He used a precious, precious baby.

Dane will always be a special child. We love him so dearly.

Where are we today?

In LOVE.

And continuing to work on loving each other every single day.

Most days it's hard to believe it went down like it did.

We still struggle. We argue. We bicker. We get on each other's nerves. Most Some days we question this thing called marriage.

But....

We stick it out. We work on it. We pray over it. We choose to stay together. To keep the covenant we made to one another and to God. We are a family. A miraculous family and we love each other. I love Brent more than I ever thought possible.

When I see Brent playing with Dane or hear Dane shriek, "DADDY!!" when he walks through the door, sometimes, my throat tightens up and tears come to my eyes. It all comes rushing back to me how this almost didn't happen. This story almost wasn't mine. It gets even sweeter when I see Webb in the picture. Hear his laughter and his screams for daddy. When I see him and Dane playing or snuggled up, I can have a church service all by myself in a moment like that.

 He wouldn't even be in the picture. We would have missed out on SOOOO much. I would have missed out on this family.

Praise God we were sensitive to the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to change us individually so we could come together and be all He wanted us to be. Thank the Lord for family who loved us enough to pray us back together.

I know we had to get in His will (not living together) in order for Him to begin working on us individually  We couldn't truly repent of our sin if we continued living in it.

I stand amazed at the power, forgiveness, and ability my Father has. He is a Mountain Mover (we sang about that at church today) and if He can transform this story, there is NOTHING that he cannot do.

I am grateful for our unique love story. It gives me a fresh, new, personal outlook on God and just what He can do. How can I ever doubt Him?

I love you, Brent. There is no one else I would chose to grow old with and my love for you expands each day. Our story becomes sweeter each time we recount the details. Thank you for letting me go so that I could grow and change to be all God intended for me to be. Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to change you and for obeying His voice when He said to fight for your family. You are a respectable man and I love you with all of my heart. Just like I had engraved on your wedding band, I'd do it all again. In a heartbeat.

Sincerely,
Abby