Letters! Send Me Letters!

If you are my FB friend chances are, you saw my begging and pleading kind requests for "letters" and possibly, you were a bit confused.... If you know my dad personally, chances are, you received an email begging and pleading from me to send letters for my dad's 59th birthday and you thought, "Oh, no! Not again!!!"

What was I up to?

Creating "59 Years of Memories" for my dad for his 59th Birthday.

Don't worry, I'm not genius enough to come up with anything quite as unique as this on my own. I stole it from Pinterest.

Shocker, I know.

I wanted to think of something to do for dad's birthday back at the end of February I believe.

If you know him, you can back me up in saying he is an incredible man. He really is. There is no one like him. I love him dearly and as I've grown up and understood him and his parenting style better, I love him even more.

He doesn't care much for material possessions though.

A pack of socks.

Some bubble gum.

Even a homemade dessert will satisfy his gift cravings for holidays.

I, on the other hand, LOVE gifts. I put lots of care and time and attention into finding that perfect something.

I wanted to do something this year that he truly appreciated.

That meant a lot to him.

I was stumped.

I began to think about his love language (dad always tried to love each of us kids in our own unique love language. He studied us to find out which one we had and then he practiced loving us in that way.) which I believe is words of affirmation.

Yes, I could write a mushy card (I generally do every year) declaring what an awesome dad he is/was.

He would treasure that, I know.

But, I wanted more!

Then, I remembered something on Pinterest.

I found it, asked my mom and grandmother what they thought, and got busy stalking his Facebook friends list and emailing almost every.single.friend.

I was busy.

He has over 330.

This is what I sent to them and I think I might have copied the majority word for word:

Hello everyone!

If you're receiving this email, you probably know that our dad, Van Chambers, is turning 59 in April (much as he would hate us to be reminding everyone, I'm sure.) To celebrate his birthday, we'd like to put together a little surprise to let him know that his nearest and dearest are thinking of him. We're going to try and create "59 Years of Memories" by filling 59 envelopes with a memory his friends and family have of him.

And this is where you come in!

If you have a spare moment in the next few days and weeks, we would be so grateful if you'd jot down a favorite memory you have of our dad and put it in the post. It doesn't have to be anything fancy -- you can just write it down on a piece of paper and sign your name or even respond to this email and we will transfer it to paper with your name. You can mention anything you like -- although the more nostalgic the better! Please absolutely feel free to send more than one memory (in fact, we welcome it -- we've got 59 envelopes to fill!), but make sure you write them on different pieces of paper (and sign your name to each) so we can split them up.

Thank you so, so, so much for participating -- we know everyone is busy with their own lives, and we do appreciate you taking a few minutes to do this; it will be so worth it when he reads all the memories people have of him! (Please don't forget to keep it a surprise until then, though!)

Thank you so much again.

--Jonathan, Abby, and Amanda

Please mail all letters to:

Abby Wilkey

42 East Boxwood Drive

 Cartersville, GA 30121

Each letter or email that came in would bring tears to my eyes.

It proved what I already believed to be true--- that my dad was loving, kind, generous, self-less, godly, patient, kind, amazing, and humble.

Through the years, one thing is for sure, my dad has shown kindness to everyone he has come in contact with, he has gone out of his way to be a father-figure in children's lives who have no dad, he is super silly and loves to make people laugh, he has met needs, he has been a prayer partner and a Christian example, he has been sincere and genuine in his concern and love, and so much more!

I will cherish these letters I have telling me more about my dad and reminding me that yes, he is the greatest man to ever live.

I had many folks email me saying they wanted to send something and would later on in the week, closer to the day, etc. 

When I realized people probably forgot, I sent out a reminder email.

Closer to the day, when we were still short, I used email and vagueness to beg again ;-)

Acting like a dog worked (begging!) because we got our needed number!

Then, I had to get the present ready.

I didn't know how to package the letters. 

I searched for cool envelopes to no avail and decided to use plain ole security envelopes.

That just seemed so normal though. 

Boo for me who doesn't like normal!

The day before his party, the boys and I went to Hobby Lobby to search for something unique.

I found a photo box-- they had many styles, but a plain brown one stood out to me because I know my dad doesn't mind plain and it is more manly. That seemed perfect. I knew he would want to keep each letter and this would make the perfect box to do so.

I found some brown ribbon to use on top so it wasn't quite so blah.

I kept with the brown theme and wrote on the top of the box with a brown sharpie: Happy 59th Birthday, Dad! Love, Jonathan, Abby, and Amanda.

I numbered each envelope so if he got them mixed up, he would remember which number he was on. Also, so I could keep easier count of what I had.

 When dad opened the box, I wanted to have something for him to read explaining his gift.

Dad,

We wanted to give you something unique this year. We decided to try and create “59 Years of Memories”. In each envelope, you will find a letter from family or someone from your lifetime. We hope each one is a brief ticket to another time, a leap backwards over years and decades into the past. We always knew you were amazing, one-of-a-kind, generous, selfless, and loving…. Now we have all the proof. You made a lot of memories these past 59 years. We hope you enjoy reliving some of them!

We love you dearly and we are honored to call you, “Dad”.

-Jonathan, Abby, and Amanda

He opened it up, read this, and immediately got teary eyed.

He read each one, many with both laughs and tears involved. It was fun to pass the letters around the room and let everyone else read them.

Many things he had forgotten so he would bust out laughing and then give us his version. 

Sometimes, everyone was laughing so hard there were tears involved! LOL.

All in all, I think it turned out better than I expected. I didn't even know if I would get 59 letters (I ended up with 61!) because everyone is so busy and consumed with daily life. Taking the time to do that can seem ridiculous or time consuming.

I am beyond GRATEFUL for each person who did take the time to send me something. 

It made his birthday unforgettable and I know he will cherish these letters forever.

I will as well :-)

Sadness

Watching the news these days does not do much for my spirit.

Everywhere I turn it seems evil is abundant.

I find myself sad.

I find myself worried.

I find myself scared and nervous to allow my boys to go to the Orange and White game with my parents tomorrow. I'm nervous about big crowds and random crazy people that are everywhere!!

Not to be all doom and gloom, but I don't expect things to get any better.

I think these times are predicted in the Bible and until Jesus returns for His people, we will see evil. Lots and lots of evil.

Then, after the Lord takes His people, only evil will exist. All of God's people will be gone from the earth. I don't think we've even had a glimpse of evil, bad, despair, heartache, etc.. These evil times we live in now have nothing in comparison to what it will be like during the Tribulation period. It will be terrible, horrible, evil times, my friend. And, you DO NOT want to be here to experience it. I can assure you of that.

My prayer is that the evil that seems to be so abundant these days, doesn't sadden you or scare you to the point of hopelessness. I hope it makes you more prepared and more ready to hear the trumpet sound as Jesus comes to get us.

What a glorious day that will be!

I got to hear the sound of the Shofar trumpet that will sound at His return at Bible study 2 weeks ago. I got chills all over as I imagined that day. We've been studying the rapture and I don't think it is by accident. In the midst of such evil and wrong I've seen lately, I'm able to feel utter peace within my soul. I know who will ultimately win. This world is not my home. I feel such hope for what is to come. Heaven seems sweeter each passing day.

Imagine the most beautiful place you have ever been on earth. Or maybe the most beautiful place you've seen pictures of on earth. It has nothing on Heaven. Heaven will be more beautiful, more sweet, more glorious than anything we have ever seen with our eye or anything we could begin to imagine with our brain. It surpasses earthly beauty. There will be colors we have never known and smells more sweet than your grandmother's homemade pie. It is a place we will never, ever want to leave. Everything that we experience will be sweet, happy, and perfect. There will be no fear or heartache or sadness. We will be with Jesus and all of our loved ones who knew Jesus and went before us. FOREVER.

If you have been born again- we all are born a physical birth, but we must also experience a spiritual birth-- a specific time and place in our life-- where we die to our old self and accept Jesus Christ as our personal Savior to live in our hearts and change us and make us new- then you know that the hope we have in Jesus can get us through the darkest and most terrible days on earth.

My prayer is all that my readers have the peace and security of knowing Jesus Christ personally.

If you refuse Jesus Christ, you spend eternity, forever and ever and ever, separated from Him in hell. The place where only evil is present.

Once those trumpets sound, it will be too late to change your mind. You must decide today. If the events that have unfolded this past week prove anything to you, it should be that we are not promised tomorrow. We are not even promised the rest of the day. And neither are our children.

I pray that my readers that have children are raising their children to know Jesus... maybe you have strayed from what you were taught as a child and now you have children of your own and you aren't really teaching them anything. Maybe you aren't helping them understand how much Jesus loves them and how He died a sacrificial death on a cross for their sins and the sins of all the world. I pray that you will see how important it is to start teaching them at an early age (TODAY). Their hearts are tender and their childlike faith is contagious. As parents, we all need the peace that we have done everything in our power to help our children understand who Jesus is and how desperately they (we) need him so we can be certain our children don't spend eternity in hell. Although my boys have not accepted Jesus yet, I trust they will one day. I believe with all my heart we will spend forever together in Heaven where there is no evil, no darkness, no hunger, no tears, no death, and no sadness.....

So take hope, although this world is a terrible place, one day, most likely soon, we have the promise of paradise, where we will never experience heartache or tragedy ever again.

My prayer is I see you there too!

**If you have questions about how to know Jesus personally and experience salvation where you are born again, I hope you feel free to contact me. My personal email is abby.wilkey@gmail.com

Abundant Blessings!

You know those times when you are drifting off to sleep and you think, "Man, I nailed it as a wife and mom today. I was loving, self-controlled, patient, gentle, happy, relaxed, energetic, on schedule, and my kids thrived on it. They were well behaved and respectful all day. My husband and I laughed throughout the day and we were sweet, gracious, and Christ-like in our marriage. Today was such a successful, wonderful day."

Yeah, me too.

I can honestly say I fall asleep like that more often than not.

But, not last night.

Last night I laid there thinking, "I am a failure as a wife and as a mom. I am short-tempered, no fun, and mean. I wish I could have a do-over."

That is not a good way to fall asleep.

I am thankful that I get to ask forgiveness and have it wiped clean off my slate. I needed to do some rounds in that department--- God, my husband, and my children.

I told God that tomorrow (today), I wouldn't be someone I didn't like.

Then, I didn't get any sleep and both boys woke up shortly after I got up at 4:50am (my husband is working 48hrs straight today and I needed to send him with 2 days worth of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. My crock-pot meal needed something added in the last hour of cooking.). They were hyper and wide awake at 5:30am.

Gotta love how the devil works.

I refuse to give in to my flesh today though.

Today will be a better day!

To help it be a better day, I want to spend just a little bit of time thanking God for some unbelievable blessings!

Now hold on tight, because you are probably going to be as blown away as I am when I stop and think about it!

Since moving to Cartersville, we have seen the hand of God at every corner. I say that is proof we are where He wants us.

We found an amazing church and have some of the best friends we have ever had. True friends.... not just Sunday morning friends. We have friends that seem to truly love us and care about us. Friends that meet unknown needs in our life just by being them.

I had a friend give me clothes (BAGS and BAGS!!!) from cleaning out her closet (for me which made it 100x better. LOL). Another friend GAVE us a massive picture that I stated I loved one day (when she moved and had no place for it) that wasn't a need, but I desperately wanted something just like that in my living room. We have even been given the gift of raw milk and fresh farm eggs just because friends knew we liked those things and grabbed us some while they were at a local farm. My aunt randomly sent a Starbucks giftcard in the mail that came at the perfect time (you know those times, you just need some reminder that God cares about our most insignificant want. I literally told my husband the day before, "Man, I would love some Starbucks, but I'm not going to spend that $$ right now.) and meant the world to me because it was so random and thoughtful.

Just lots of random gifts that came at the right moment and were total and complete blessings. The Lord used each and every gift to bless me and to meet a need (technically a want, but you get the point.).

I have been praying since long before we moved that God would use me and grow me. Before moving, I had felt so dead and dry spiritually. Hindsight is 20/20 and I can see that I was dry and dead now that I have been growing for 7 months.

That is a blessing in and of itself. God supplied an alive church that preaches the truth. Our preacher truly has a preacher's heart. It is obvious he is in the right profession. I have learned SOOOO much since we began attending back in October. I also love our SS class. It is amazing the amount of knowledge I have gained in 7 months. It makes me wonder how I was ever content to not grow.

I also still attend Bible study once a week. It is a very in-depth study. We have studied through Galatians, Hebrews, 1 Thessalonians, and we are finishing up 2 Thessalonians the next 2 weeks. I cannot begin to tell you what all I have gained from that. Not only Biblical knowledge, but friendships, and so much more. I praise God for moving us here so I could be involved in a mid-week study like I found. We will study Romans next year and I look forward to that.

I have continued to pray and ask God to grow me. I was presented with the opportunity of leadership at Bible Study 2 weeks ago. I was asked to lead in the children's ministry (around the ages of my children most likely) next year. My first thought was, "No, not me. I am not equipped at all. I still have oodles of growing to do myself." I prayed for a week though and spoke to my core group leader after praying for a week and still feeling like that was not where I was supposed to be. She shed lots of insight on me and gave me some inside information to how picking leaders at CBS worked that made my heart question my "no" answer. I asked her to please pray hard for me that day because I was supposed to have an answer the following day.

That night, I wrestled in my sleep. I could not fall asleep. I began praying about that opportunity again and I prayed and prayed for direction, begging God to change my heart if my "no" answer was not in line with His will. It was like God Himself was standing in the room and said, "You want to grow, right? As a leader, you will grow far more than as a bystander. I would not open this door of opportunity for you if this was not where I wanted you. This is MY will for YOUR life. I will use this to bless you and to grow you."

I was able to fall asleep and I woke up with complete peace that this was God's will for me right now.

Not just that, I felt complete peace about not working with children my age and with being much older children (4th grade-highschool, I don't know where, that is just what I felt like God was telling me.). There are tons of children in that age range because they are all homeschooled.

On Thursday, I was getting ready to attend a birth of a first-time mom. I was loading my car and my phone rang. It was the CBS teacher calling to get my answer. I told her the whole story about wrestling to come to a decision and then I told her what age group I felt led to serve in. She said they rarely have ladies wanting to serve in that age group and that was also an answered prayer for them.

I really and truly feel complete peace and although I don't feel equipped, my core leader reminded me when I spoke with her, "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called." (Thanks, Tricia!) So I am looking forward to becoming equipped and growing so much more!!

Back up a few weeks.

Brent is about to start the paramedic program in May.

It will cost us quite a bit of money out of pocket for books, uniform, and then his tuition after HOPE runs out. Plus, his truck gets terrible gas mileage and he will be driving to Rome 3x a week. That is about a 30 mile drive one way. His truck also has no air which will suck for summer.

We have questioned how to pay for all that after reexamining our budget and cutting back where we can and we also want to get completely out of debt (we keep almost getting out and then things come up.), while somehow saving for the unexpected.

A few weeks ago, I reluctantly offered to find more houses to clean. It is good money, but after 5 years of cleaning houses for folks, I'm a bit over it. It is hard work and I just don't enjoy it. I told Brent I would do it while he was in school and then I would stop.

I posted on FB and didn't hear anything back (my thoughts----YAY/What are we going to do?).

When the devil tried to use fear to get me off track, I literally sat on the couch praying out loud while the boys played. This is what I said almost word for word,

"Lord, You know our need. You know what we can afford and You know where we will fall short. It is scary to think about what we are going to need that we don't have. Even though paper says it is impossible, I trust You to meet the impossible need. I KNOW You will provide. You have never let us go without before. I believe You will take care of us and provide more than just what is necessary, I know You will provide abundantly. I don't know how You will do it or when You will do it, but I trust You. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, when You provide, I will stand back in amazement and awe of how You chose to provide and meet our needs and I will have no choice except to tell others of how amazing You are. It will be a way I never thought of and it will be more than enough. You are always good and we trust You and love You for using times like this to show your power and might."

I remember this prayer because I believed it will all my heart and I knew I would be sharing some miracle on my blog.

Now, fast-forward back to the Thursday when I said "Yes" to CBS leadership and was headed to a birth.

I worked alongside my most favorite midwife in the whole wide world!! Carolyn Drake. She was Webb's midwife and I truly LOVE her. We work together a lot at births. Being a homebirthin' momma myself (HEHE) I love/prefer attending homebirths. They are my passion. They are my expertise, if you will. They bring me joy. I lurve them. I want to kiss them all over.

Ok, things just got weird.

Like I was saying, I live for homebirths. If there was a way to make that what I attend the majority or all of the time, I would jump on that.

After this amazing momma birthed a gorgeous and plump baby boy on Thursday, Carolyn asked me a question that made my heart soar!!!

She asked me if I would like to be her full-time doula. That would mean I work alongside them at every first-time mom's birth (an average of about 2 births a month, give or take). She already requires them to hire a doula, but now, it would just automatically be me. I would be a part of her "village". She said lots of things to me that I will have tucked away in my heart forever. Things that gave me confidence as a doula and made me excited to work with her.

I don't even know what I said in the beginning. I was so shocked speechless! I think I just sat there nodding while my brain ran absolutely crazy.

Would I want that position????!!!!

Was she kidding????!!!!!

YYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!! A million drillion times, YES!!!!! Of course I would take this amazing opportunity.

That is a sought after position (at least in my opinion). If I could choose who to work alongside and team up with and I had the option of everyone in the world, it would be Carolyn Drake. I love her. I seriously do. I tell all my clients that use her how much I adore her. This means I work in the field of my passion with someone I like, not someone I don't like (LOL). Not that I mind doing hospital births (especially for friends and family) or that I never want to do another one, it just means I work most of the time where my heart is. My personal experience in with homebirth.

Am I stoked? You bet.

When I left her house, I called my husband and through tears told him how God had provided. He, of course, was beyond thrilled! The need for his schooling should be met and it will be met by me working a job I LOVE!!!!!! My dreams have come true. I'm serious. I have been on cloud 9 since last Thursday. I am in amazement, just like I predicted.

God is soooooooo good. So very good.

I will also say, I question whether or not that door would have ever been opened had I not accepted the open door of CBS leadership. I think I would have said "no" to the leadership if I had accepted the job position first and that is not what God wanted for me. I would have thought I didn't have the time... and He wants me doing both.

I am HAPPY!!!!

Being in God's will is the best. The week before we moved here, I was at a birth with Carolyn and she and her apprentice were asking me (in a joking way) if I HAD to move? They wanted to be able to work with me still. At that moment in time, I was so sad and depressed feeling and questioned God and His will. I couldn't believe God was taking me from my opportunity. I remember being sad/crying/being a brat to my hubby about it because I would miss out on so much. It is funny because all of my jobs since moving have been in the Chattagnooga area working with Carolyn's clients and now, that is where all my work will come from. My parents are there to keep my kids and it is the best case scenario for me.

Isn't God so good????

I stand amazed and I had to share since I told God I would :-)



I'm already in a happy/thanksgiving mood!

Headed off to have a wonderful day with my boys.


*****UPDATED!!!*****

Wow, I cannot believe I left this part of the story out.

Yesterday, in the kitchen, Brent and I were discussing a financial need we have. I didn't pray about it or anything right then, we just discussed it.

15 minutes later, he went to get the mail.

He came back in with check in the amount of our need!

I am not joking here, although it must seem like I am.

It is a reimbursement type thing from a company that went under that is under a law suit or something (It has to do with Brent, not the 2 of us so I'm a little cloudy on the details). Money owed to us we didn't even know about.

(We watched Facing the Giants the night before.....)

Tell me....

What is impossible with God??

NOTHING!!!



I hope you know Him :-)

Important Lessons

You know how when you have a child, you think of all the terrible, horrible, most awful things that could happen to them?

Or at least, I did/do.

The fear of the all the possibilities used haunt me.

Used to keep me laying away for hours at night in panic mode.

What if he gets kidnapped?

What if he gets lost?

What if he falls down brick steps?

What if I fall down brick steps holding him?

What if he chokes in his carseat and I don't know and he dies?

What if I have a wreck and the car hits me on the side he is on?

What if someone molests or sexually abuses my son?

What if someone sneaks into my house during the night and kills my son?

What if my son gets hit by a car because he is running out into the street and I see it happen?

What if he drowns and I find his lifeless body?

What if he is with a grandparent and something terrible happens?

What if....

What if....

What if....

It can be crippling.

The fear.

You may have read about one of the things that allowed me to not live in fear in this post. It really hit home when we will dealing with Webb's liver.

A book called, "The Power of a Praying Parent" addresses soooo many of the fears I faced as a mom. This book saved me and years of worry and sleepless nights. It taught me how to pray. It taught me when to pray.(Which by the way, is right now for every single fear that enters your mind concerning your child.)

I also have figured out after covering them in prayer, some of the best ways to protect my child from these terrible things is to teach them.

So, when Dane was probably 18 months old, Brent and I addressed a very serious issue with him.

We were giving him a bath and his innocent, little, naked body that I adored and pinched and kissed all over suddenly brought fear.

Fear of molestation or sexual abuse hit me like a ton of bricks.

I knew I had to start the process of warning him.

It wasn't even discussed prior to that night. I just began talking to Dane about it and Brent did also.

We just told him, "Dane, if someone ever tries to touch your goober, you yell, 'DON'T TOUCH MY GOOBER!!!!!' and smack their hand away and run as fast as you can away from them. Come and tell mommy and daddy. You won't ever be in trouble! Never ever ever will you get in trouble. You will be so brave and mommy and daddy will high 5 you and say, 'Good boy for coming to tell us!!'"

We made it age appropriate, but we talked about it often. As he grew older, we would tell him things like, "If mommy and daddy aren't around, you tell another adult."

During many many bath time sessions, we rehearsed, "ok, what do you do if someone touches your goober?" We would play out scenarios and we would always say, "Will you get in trouble? Is it your fault?" We ALWAYS emphasized, you will never be in trouble. You will be the good boy!!!!

We talked about how during bath time it was ok for mommy and daddy or a grandparent to help wash their goober, but no touching was allowed.

Sexual molestation and/or sexual abuse just doesn't really happen to those we know though... so I'm just preparing him for absolute worst case scenario....

Is what I would tell myself.

Before Dane's 3rd birthday.... I learned of some family secrets (on both sides of my family-- not Brent's). I found out 4... that is FOUR... 4 women in my family have have been sexually abused.

Four women I know and that I'm close to.

Not four distant relatives. Four women I see all the time. Four women I grew up around. Four women who kept these deep, dark, horrible secrets all to themselves and then they were suddenly revealed.

They kept quiet because they were scared.

They felt guilty.

They didn't want to get in trouble.

Four women in MY FAMILY.

My family.

In my family.

My family?

No.

No.

NO!!!

This doesn't happen to people I know.

This is some horrible thing that happens to strangers.

No.... it's not. It happens everyday in homes all across the world. To children in your church. To children in your child's class. To children in your neighborhood. To children in your own family. By people (most of the time) that they know and trust.

Maybe, it happened to you.

The ladies in my family were all molested by people (men) in their family. *** Side note! It probably does not need to be said, but I will go ahead and say, none of those animals are in our life nor allowed around my children.

Their family members, people they trusted, loved, adored took away their innocence.

Changed them forever.

Four women in my family.

It changed the way we were teaching Dane (and now we have started the process of teaching Webb).

We have added things such as, "What about if it is an adult? What if it is an old man? What if it is another mom or dad? That is like mommy? Daddy? Granddaddy? Aunt ManMan? What if it is someone in your family? What about if they tell you not to say anything?"

We have also started saying things like, "No one is allowed to ever mess with or touch your butthole. No one is allowed to ask you to touch their goober or their butthole." and because Dane is getting older, we also say things like, "you will know if it is wrong. If it makes your feel weird or scared or sad, tell mommy and daddy or an adult that is around. And ALWAYS scream, "NO!!!!!" to that person as loud as you can.

We try to think of every possible scenario because we want to train and teach our children, God forbid this ever happened, but we want them to know what to do and by all means, WE want to know.

We don't want them to be afraid to tell us.

We don't want them to think it's their fault.

We don't want their fear to keep that going on and on for possibly years.

I try my hardest to have an "open" relationship with my boys.

I know they are young, but even now, there is no topic that is not allowed.

We discuss EVERYTHING (as I'm sure you have figured out).

I have covered this topic in prayer and I don't want to live in fear of the possibilities of what could happen because of my new knowledge of what did happen.

But, it is my job to protect. To listen to my gut. To train. To be comfortable saying, "no" myself if something comes up and I don't want my child a part of something for an unknown reason to me.

We have set some rules and boundaries as parents.

We decided a long time ago we didn't like the idea of our children spending the night with friends.

Brent and I both thought about the trouble we got into and many times, it was with friends... when we spent the night.

We just want to set up the rules and boundaries to start with.

As of right this second, our children are only allowed to spend the night with grandparents. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins, and no friends.

Their friends and cousins are welcomed to spend the night here, but our boys will stay with us.

And sometimes, it is not just friends you are worried about.

Sometimes it is family.

You know (or don't technically, but I mean, come on) what goes on over there and you aren't comfortable letting your children spend the night over there.

This makes it easy.

Plus, we want our boys to be very family oriented.

We want them with us on weekends.

Once you start the spending the night habit, it is a weekly want.

Trust me, I remember.

We are even picky with letting our kids go places to play (more in the neighborhood or other odd places). We have strict rules. If my gut says "no" then I say no. There is always a reason you feel uneasy, mom.

Don't worry about what the other parents think of you.

Be comfortable enough to say, "I'm a weird mom" (people already know that about me! HA!) "and we just don't let our kids ___________."

Know you are protecting your children and doing what is right.

When in doubt, don't!

If there is anything you glean from this post, I hope it is this:

1) Teach your children about inappropriate things. You don't have to go into dirty details. Make it age appropriate. But teach them. Give them the knowledge and comfort of knowing how to handle wrong situations. Give them assurance that coming to you is not only right, it is what you want them to do. Assure them they will never, ever be in trouble.

2) If your gut is saying, "Hmmmmm.... I don't know about this." or you feel nervous, uneasy, or anxious about letting your kid go somewhere or do something or be friends with someone outside of church/school/extracurricular/etc., don't let them. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. We don't know who comes and goes at friends houses (older children, relatives, grandparents, sexual offenders). We don't know how mom and dad treat each other or talk to their children. Maybe they even do illegal drugs or have dirty mouths or don't enforce seatbelts. Follow your gut. Trust your instinct. God will guide you to do what is right. If you want, use me as an excuse. "My friend has this blog and she has me all paranoid and I really hate that, but we just don't let our kids do __________ anymore." I don't care.

3) Cover them in prayer. This is a terrible, ugly, nasty world. Our babies need prayer on many levels. I also encourage you to buy the book by Stormie O'Martin-- The Power of a Praying Parent. You can find it on Amazon for around $10. Begin covering the life of your child in prayer. Learn how to handle fear for your children. There is no one who loves your child more than Abba Father.  We do what we can for our kids, but ultimately, we leave them at the feet of Jesus and realize that they are His and we've been entrusted with them. He loves them so much and I cannot keep them in a bubble. I will do the best I can to protect them and educate them though and then leave the rest up to Him.

4) Realize that sexual molestation/abuse is prevalent. It happens everyday. More often than not, a family member, someone the child loves and trusts will be guilty. Don't be naive. Be alert. Be aware. Watch for signs. Watch for body language. Don't be fooled and think family is always safe. They aren't. If you are comfortable and your child is age appropriate, ask him or her. Let them feel safe, loved, and unashamed to be honest and open with you. Open the door and give them the opportunity to let you know of anything that has happened or any questionable behavior. Know a child will feel guilty, embarrassed  scared to get in trouble or to get that family member in trouble, dirty, etc. They must feel safe to admit such a thing. Make your home safe. Fill it with love. Allow your kiddos to know they can come to you for anything and you will never love them less.

I hope none of you have been affected by something like this. If you have, I pray you have been able to be honest with someone you love and trust. A spouse, a parent, a friend, a pastor. Know you are not guilty. You are a victim. You are innocent. You have been mistreated. You probably need counseling and a good dose of love and understanding. I pray you get that, my friend.

If you are a parent reading this and your precious child has suffered sexual abuse of some kind and you already know it, please, don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. It does not mean you failed as a parent or did not do everything in your power to protect your child. Remember, sometimes, tragedy is senseless. Awful things happen to children at times that parents cannot prevent.

I read an article yesterday on a blog about the suicide of Rick Warren's son and I hope you find comfort in some of the tidbits below:

When we hear about grieving parents it can be so tempting to try to assign blame, because if they aren’t to blame, then we have to grapple with the reality that sometimes, tragedy is senseless. This is an uncomfortable truth: awful things happen to children that parents cannot prevent.  It’s a truth so painful that we would rather throw grieving parents under the bus than face it.  Searching for a familial reason for Matthew’s suicide allows us to believe that if we can avoid their mistakes, we can feel confident that mental illness will never ravage our own child.  We assuage our anxiety with the false notion that, if we do this parenting thing right, our child will be spared from ever struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts.

It’s comforting, but it is a lie. A lie we fuel through speculation at the expense of grieving parents.

 --we want to find a way to exclude the possibility that something bad could befall our children. I will admit here that I’m not immune to this impulse. When something horrific happens to another child, I find myself quickly cataloging the details, trying to find something that would make the tragedy exceptional . . . some slip-up that the grieving parent made along the way that would comfort me from a concern that it could happen to me.   I’ve done it when I’ve heard about infant death . . . I’ve scrambled to figure out if the parent was doing something wrong. Was there some rule they failed to follow that would assuage my anxiety about my own child’s mortality?  I found myself doing this as I watched the Sandusky trial as well — quickly casting aspersions on parents of the victims for their lack of discernment. 



Let's pray for those grieving parents if you know them. They need healing as well and possibly, counseling. Most importantly, they need love.




Much and love and prayers for my readers and their kids.

Vitacost--- Save $10 today!

I love to save money.

I also love homeopathic remedies, all natural/homemade household products, clean eating.... you get the idea.

My aunt had been telling me about Vitacost being the best place to buy the protein powder we use.

I seriously had just been too lazy to get on there.

Then, a few weeks/months ago, I got this terrible sinus crud. My SIL told me to buy Echinacea at the local herb shop and Vitamin D. So, I did.

I spent $55 and I had enough Echinacea/ Golden Seal to hopefully get me through my horrible cold and enough Vitamin D for a year if I used it daily. Still, dropping $55 wasn't easy and I knew we would need another bottle of Echinacea.

ECHINACEA (EK e nay sha) is an herbal product or dietary supplement. It is promoted to help support the body's natural defense systems. It is commonly promoted for colds or sore throats caused by cold viruses. It aids in supporting the immune system. Use during season changes to help boost the immune system.

Goldenseal is an herb that you can purchase over the counter. You can take it to kill bacteria from and infection. It is also used to reduce inflammation in your body.

The bottle I bought had 100 capsules that were 400mg per serving. I paid $29 for my bottle. You are supposed to take 2 capsules 3x a day and Brent was needing some. The bottle I bought from Vitacost cost me roughly $10.50 (I had a coupon code to save 15%) had 180 capsules that were 450mg per serving. Talk about a much better deal!!! I was so excited, I did a happy dance!

The same Vitamin D (different brand, same thing though) I bought (which technically, I shouldn't need for a year or half a year if Brent and I use it daily- which we don't) cost me $20 at the Herb Shop and is $9.99 at Vitacost.

Vitamin D, often called the “sunshine vitamin,” is an important nutrient. Its active form, called calcitriol, behaves like a hormone in the body. The body can produce 10,000 IU or more of vitamin D with little as 10 to 15 minutes of exposure to summer sunlight.

The presence of vitamin D receptors throughout the body hints at the importance of the vitamin. Research shows that vitamin D plays a crucial role in the health of the immune system, brain, heart and blood vessels, among other organs and systems.

By the way, my concoction that my SIL gave me was a pack of Emergen-C, mixed with one drop of Vitamin D. Take the Echinacea/Goldenseal with that--- Take the Emergen-C and Echinacea 3x a day, the Vitamin D only once a day. It cleared me up the first time in 2 days and recently I started sniffing, sneezing, water eyes, coughing crud again. I took religiously for 3 days and rested and it was gone in 3 days! I also supplemented with 4-8oz water, 1 Tbsp raw honey, 1 Tbsp ACV, and a dash of cinnamon.

Now, for the raw honey. That can cost you an arm and a leg. Check out Vitacost for that too.

I had been purchasing mine from Ingles and would get 16oz for $10. 

I bought mine there recently:

I got 22oz for around $6 (because of my coupon code).

We also generally spend about $60+ on our protein powder and I found what we buy there for $47 (coupon code again and it was on sale.)

Then, I started washing my face with Castor Oil and Olive Oil. Can I just say that I LOVE it so far. My breakouts have been minimal (I literally started my period 2 days later and it said to give a week for your skin to adjust) or less and my face is baby smooth. I am loving it. Now, you need pure, cold-pressed castor oil for this. No Wallie World stuff. I bought mine off..... VITACOST. I know you are super surprised ;-) It cost me about $8.

Now, one of the best things about this website is: if you spend over $49, you get free shipping. Since they offer SO much that you most likely would be buying anyways, that is not hard to do, AND you are saving money. 

If you spend less than $49, they calculate it off of weight and my sister just bought quite a bit of stuff and her shipping was $5. It's not bad shipping.

Once you sign up with the website, they will send coupons alllllllllll the time for various things. That is how I received my 15% off coupon, BUT! If you order and spend over $30, then you could save $10 on the spot, which is what I saved with my coupon code, by using my email address (abby.wilkey@gmail.com). AND-- you save me $10 on my next order. You have to use the code on your first order with the company and you must start off by registering (details below). Once you do that, you can share your email address with all your friends and family and earn $10 for yourself off each order with as many $10 credits as you get. No cutoff! That is just too good of a deal NOT to use! Already ordered from Vitacost in the past? Use a different email and get $10 off your next your. (Now, use a legit email, like your hubby's. LOL).

When you go to the website, start out by registering so that you will receive the deal, you will click on their DEAL category on the far right.  The first little box with say, "Refer a Friend They Get $10, You Get $10". Click on that box. That will lead you to a place with 2 green boxes on the right side. The bottom green box says, "Did Someone Refer You Click Here". Click there and type in my email address which I'll give again: abby.wilkey@gmail.com

OR---

make it super simple and follow this link :
https://www.vitacost.com/MyAccount/Login.aspx?wlsrc=rsLogin

Then you are free to start shopping. Search for all your favorite health foods, herbs (Pregnant, check this out!),  workout supplements, baby gear, etc. 

Have a smart phone, there is an app for that ;-) Although, I do not know how to tell you to use my email address from the app to save. So, log onto the computer first and follow the above steps to save on your order. You only have one chance to register with your email address to save that $10.

Have fun and if you find a super good deal, share it with me! I may not have searched for that product yet :-)

No More Diapers!

Whoo hoo!!!

Webb is officially potty trained and it was easy peasy the 2nd time around too.

We were just talking about how easy "potty training" is for us and we realized it is because we don't technically "train".

 Dane was super duper easy and I swore Webb would be more difficult and he is proving me wrong.

Dane still wets his pull-up at night. Webb has had dry pull-up or diaper the last 4 nights and gets up saying he needs to pee.

I personally think one thing that makes it easiest for me to get them out of diapers is being home with them. While we don't "train" I leave them naked to run around and play. Pull-ups for potty training make me LAUGH!!!! It feels just like a diaper! How will a child learn that way?!?! Even underwear and diapers didn't work for us. They needed to be free and feel their goober wasn't supported and their pee was going to come out everywhere. LOL. It never failed. Both boys, when left free and naked, never had one accident. They would go to the potty (or front porch) and pee every single time. The accidents came every time they wore underwear or pants.

We also don't make a big deal about it/discipline about the accidents.We take off the soiled clothes and start again. No big deal. As we change them, we remind them, "Let's pee pee in the potty!" with a smile.

Dane had the peeing thing down in a week flat. Webb has been running naked for months! I accidently left underwear on him when we left for errands on Monday of this week. While out for 6 hours, he would tell me when he needed to go pee (the first time I almost panicked because I didn't have a change of clothes and didn't realize my "mistake".) and he did not have one accident. Since Monday, we have not worn one diaper except to bed (and those have been dry like I mentioned). He has only had one accident and he said, "Oh, crap! I pee in my underwear, mom." We were home, he put his soiled clothes in the laundry basket, and got dry things himself.

So easy.

I often feel bad for parents who stress and discipline their kids when it comes to this. I think I feel more badly for the children than I do the parents though. It makes me sad to think about the stress the children must feel.

I'm not saying my way is perfect, but relax. Your child will not wear diapers forever.

Move at their pace.

They will give you signs that they are ready.

Let them run wild and naked.

Encourage use of the potty and make it exciting, but don't make it scary or no fun by yelling/disciplining/being frustrated.

Don't force them to potty train because let's face it. If you are forcing them to potty train, you are only training yourself to take them every 30 min and to constantly remind them. Congratulations. You are potty training yourself and exhausting yourself ;-)

If you are ready to stop buying diapers, then allow nudity for a bit. My guess is they will pick it up in no time. If they don't, then they aren't ready.

I say my way works (I generally think that way about the way we do things. LOL) because we have 2 success stories by the age of 2-1/2 that were EASY and required no stress, tears, frustration, anger, spankings, discipline, etc on the my part.

HOORAY!!!!! 2 BIG potty trained boys :-)

I am one proud momma!

Funny Stuff

Oh, dear.

It's going to be a long day, I'm afraid.

I'm on my 2nd cup of coffee and I see about 3 more in my near future if I am expected to function.

Webb has been super demanding lately.

Never letting me out of sight, begging to be held when I am in sight, and causing all sorts of chaos within our home ;-)

Plus, yesterday we got a kitten and so you can imagine the amount of arguing and fussy that occurs when you have 1 kitten to split among 2 boys.

Besides playing referee between the boys and Camo yesterday, my husband was sick, and Webb seriously made messes all day long.

By bath time, I felt myself grow weary. I had been on the go all day long. I was exhausted.

After bath time, in a 8 minute window, the cat peed on my rug, Webb fell off my bed, he threw up all over my bathroom (from crying so hard), and slipped and fell on the floor and busted his back on the shower step thing.

Once I got the boys in bed (which was later than normal- one hr. past normal time- bc hubby got called into work and came home right after we finished our story.) I probably should have taken myself to bed.

Brent had been sick all day and sleeping and then when he did wake up, he went into work for a few hours. He was scheduled to work 24 today, so I wanted to spend time with him. We watched a movie that didn't go off until 11pm (1-2 hours past our bedtime, just depending). After the movie, I still had things to do before bed.

When we got in the bed, my hubby asked for a back-rub, since he had been sick and laying around all day, his back was tight. I rubbed his back for 20 minutes and then curled up. It was 11:45pm.

I was really in need of some quiet, no one touching me, and deep sleep.

I lay on guard every night because Webb is my light sleeper. If he cries out and doesn't come get in our bed, I want to get him before it disturbs Brent, especially when he has a 24 hr day coming up. He is always low on sleep, so this is just habit for me. At 11:50pm, I got up and Brent asked where I was going. I was going to a screaming Webb-- "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMA!!!!!!!!!"

When I got in his room, he was screaming to get up. He does this often. I don't exactly know why. I didn't want to get him up and rock him or anything because I knew Brent wouldn't be able to sleep. For 20 minutes  he screamed, cried, and begged to get up. For 20 minutes, I talked to him, telling him I was there, talking about his kitty, praying for him, and trying to get him to settle down. When he finally went to sleep after midnight, he was restless the rest of the night. He would cry out occasionally to get up, he wanted water, he wanted daddy, etc. It was a long night.

At 5:45am, my alarm went off. Webb had been awake at 5:30am, so I quickly turned it off. I laid there to make sure he didn't wake up and then I went and I got into my bed. I laid there until 6am (REALLY pushing it time wise) and then I got up and went into the bathroom. I turned on the shower so it could start warming up, turned the space heater in the bathroom on (something I joked about doing for Brent to friends and something he said he wished I would do. LOL), and woke up Brent. I went into the kitchen to start breakfast for Brent and the boys. I had just put the skillet on the stove when I heard,

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!"

I fought the urge to cry.

I was soooo looking forward to some solitude this morning.

I got him and brought him into the kitchen at 6:05 am and thanked God for the new kitty.

Usually when he wakes up that early, he is fussy and insists that I hold him the entire time I cook, empty the dishwasher, etc. Today though, I said, "Want to play with Camo while mommy cooks?" and he was a happy camper.

Wow.

This is how tired I am.

That was not what my title was about or what I was going to blog about. LOL

Sooo... the funny stuff I was going to tell you about:

When Dane was little, he would call his butt-hole his "body".

I think when we said "body" to him is sounded like "booty"? I'm not too sure.

It used to crack us up though because of how he would talk about it.

If we said something about our body ("My body is freezing!" "I'm going to put some clothes on my body" "My body is saying 'Feed me'"), in confusion he would be like, "Your body??"

Anyways, he outgrew that.

The other day in the bath, the boys and I were talking about our bodies being a temple.

I explained (or tried to) how Jesus lives in our body and it is His house. People should see a reflection of Jesus when they look at us and we should talk like Him, think like Him, and act like Him.

Dane was questioning some things and I answered him as best as I could.

Webb had been interrupting us during that time.

I finally looked at him as he was saying, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" over and over.

When I looked at him, he said, "Mommy, Jesus lives in my body too" pointing at his butt-hole.

I busted out laughing and said, "He does?"

Webb nodded his head and said, "Umm hmm. He lives right there" still pointing to his butt-hole.




See, things like that make these exhausting days so worth it. I wouldn't trade my puffy eyes, slight headache, or exhaustion for quiet, deep sleep, or no stimulation for 15 minutes.

Camo

When we moved here, we had 3 kitties.

Milo, Darla, and Dude.

They all disappeared within a week of moving.

The boys have really missed them and we have been planning on getting them another one. We just really didn't want to pay for a cat. So, we have held off.

Brent came home from work yesterday and said, "Look what I'm getting the boys".

A FB friend had had this kitten show up and didn't want her. She was free, a kitten (a MUST so she would grow up used to the kids), and cute (another must since I don't particularly like cats).

When we told Dane and Webb yesterday that we were getting her, Brent said to pick between the names "Puma" and "Nala" and Webb said, "CAMO!!" Brent and I looked at each other and smiled. "Camo" it would be. Webb even stayed within the 4 letter rule ;-)

She arrived today! The boys were sooooo excited.

Webb is my true animal lover!

Rose came in and met her. She was terrified, yet very interested. I think the two of them will end up being good friends.

Camo checking out Rose. 

Camo isn't scared!

Rose getting a closer look.

Interested in one another....

Camo showing Rose who the boss is.

Camo finally catching a (short) nap before she  was spotted by the boys.

Relaxing through a movie with the boys.

I think she already loves my boys.

Attacking Dane's hands. He loved it!

Camo decided she had had enough. The boys could hardly stand for her to hide.

The boys built her a cave back in our utility room.

Free from the hands of children :-)

Sleeping sitting up. This poor kitty must stay on guard constantly.  She gets no true rest.

It's safe to say we all love Camo. She fits in nicely and it feels like she has always been with us. She is going to grow up extremely loved and cared for.

Welcome to the family!